To Have Unconditional Faith

The difference between conditional faith and unconditional faith... I've never thought much about it until yesterday. What if a traumatic event occurred in my life tomorrow, would I still have faith in the only One who could heal my brokenness????

Up until yesterday, I have always thought that a tragedy in my life would be the end of life as I knew it, that I would not be able to get up off the floor ever again; but I received a little perspective from God yesterday.

So, what if someone I loved dearly was taken from me, or I was stricken with a terminal illness? What would I do? How would that affect my life? My faith? God showed me very patiently through one of Beth Moore's stories that went something like this: "What if any of those things did happen? What would you do?" asked God. My response, "Well, I would cry, a lot". Then God said, "Okay, then what?" "Well, Lord, I would go into a depression." "Okay then what?" He asked. "I would spend a lot of time on the floor, asking why." "Okay, then what?" He said. "I would read my Bible to find comfort." "Okay, then what? He said. "Then I would miss serving You and desire to be in ministry again." "Okay, then what?" He asked. "Then I would realize that if something horrible happens then YOU ARE STILL YOU."

I spent this morning crying my eyes out and pleading with the Lord to allow me to have that kind of unconditional faith. I don't want faith that is contingent upon bad things not happening to me. When the hard things happen, I want to cling to Him because it is what I have always done. He showed me last night that I cannot rest my faith on things not happening because if they ever do, my entire life support will be taken away.

I need Him now more than I ever have. And I pray that as I learn to love Him more and more, I will be able to see that unconditional faith is worth far more than anything I could hope for. He will still be God, always. If tragedy, then GOD!

New Blog!

Ok ya'll! I know I have not been very diligent to keep this blog updated, but I started a new blog for this new venture I am about to embark on. So, if you have some time, check out http://web.me.com/fishlicity/. I hope you will bookmark that page as well and come back often to see all of the things God is doing!

Beholding is Becoming

Deuteronomy 10:16-17 gives us a very specific command.  It challenges us to "Circumcise [our] hearts therefore, and do not be stiff-necked any longer.  For the Lord your God, is the God of gods and the Lord of lords, the GREAT GOD MIGHTY AND AWESOME!" This is part of the verse that I am memorizing right now.  I have been working on it for a little while now, but today something made me wonder...

The fourth word in this verse says "therefore".  To me that means that because of something previously stated, we should be moved to circumcise our hearts.  So what is the thing that has taken place that should cause me to circumcise my heart; to cut away anything at all that is hindering me from reaching heights with God?

Verse fifteen explains it very clearly.  It says that God has chosen me (and all of us) and set His affection on me and all of those who have come before me.  And because of this act of love that He so willingly gave, I should be allowing my heart to be molded and shaped into the things that are pleasing to Him.  This is a huge challenge and not an easy task, but it is required if any ground is to be gained on this spiritual journey. 

So, in light of God's Word, I am asking Him to help me and empower me to remove all the things that hinder me from meeting with Him and hearing from Him.  I am pleading with Him to get up in my business and remove the junk that I have placed in my heart... 

Will you join me in praying a dangerous prayer?  "God enlighten me to see myself in light of Your Word, to see myself for who I really am so that I can allow You to change me and circumcise my heart to be beautiful for You!"   

My Beloved

Dear My Beloved,

There has never been, and will never be, anyone more beautiful. I have never met anyone else that I have loved so very much from the first moment I met them.  You have shown me more love and care than anyone else ever could. I cannot imagine my life without you.

The moment I met you my life was changed forever.  There never was any inclination in my mind to turn back from this love.  I was, and continue to be, amazed at the depth of your beautiful love for me.  I cannot, most times, comprehend why you love me as you do.  I have not been the kind of person who deserves the love that you have given.  I am forever thankful, though, that you do choose to love me.  I could not ask for anything more.  

I think back to the beginning and I wonder how it is that you came to desire someone like me.  I know that I never showed you much interest, but you still pursued me to the uttermost.  I never could have loved you like that, yet you gave your all to me.  There never would be a relationship if you had not chased after me with all that you had.  I am thankful beyond words.

The heartfelt conversations we had, and continue to have, are such a treasure to me.  I get to know you more each time we sit and talk.  I love that about us!  Sometimes, I want to sit all day and listen to you: learning and soaking up all I can.  What thrills me more than anything is knowing you feel the same way towards me.  There cannot be a relationship anywhere that compares to the one that we have together.  

Now, as I imagine our future together, I can hardly contain myself.  I look forward to, with such great joy, falling more in love with you as each day passes.  I know we have an eternity to be in love, but I feel like I must know the depths of your love more and more each day. 

You have done all You could do to make sure that I loved You, and I cannot begin to tell You how much that really means to me.  You are my Beloved and are more breathtaking than anyone I have ever met.  You have loved me with an everlasting love and there could be nothing greater.  Jesus, You truly are My Beloved and I am so happy that I belong to You!

Happy Valentine's Day!

What a Teacher Really Means

I love being a teacher!  I love being able to connect with little people!  There have been some seriously amusing situations and comments involving my students, while there also have been some really profound and treasured moments as well.  I don't think there is a better job anywhere in the world!

For Christmas I got a flip calender from one of my students and I love some of the entries.  I thought I would share one of them with ya'll.

What Teacher Says:

Whenever I need help in class, I can always count on James to volunteer.  He genuinely enjoys it.

What Teacher Means:

If the little punk doesn't stop sucking up to me, I'm going to throw a stapler at him!

Hope this makes you smile! :)

A New Call

I never thought that I would ever do anything else but teach.  I can always remember wanting to teach and finally deciding that I  was actually going to do it.  So, with high school diploma in hand, off to college I went.  I  spent five years learning, studying, and accomplishing all I needed to be the best teacher that I could be, always imagining that I would always teach until the day of retirement.  

This year however, will be the second year in a row that I have gotten laid off.  Though I have not officially gotten my pink slip yet, it is coming.  But there is something different this time; I have a complete sense of peace because I feel like God shown me that teaching in the public school system is not all He has for me.

While I was in Bible College God showed me that there was more to life than what I was doing. Ever since then I have felt like I am to start a group home for foster children.  I have no idea how this will happen, but I am so ready!  I have started to work on the Non-profit organization paperwork and get that ball rolling.  While I get that started I also have in my sights on a piece of property that would make this dream a reality... the only problem is... it costs 3 million dollars! :)  But, I do know that if God wants me to do this, He will make it all happen.  

So, if I do really lose my job, I would like to really focus my energy on making this place a reality! So, keep an eye out for anyone willing to donate 3 million dollars to the cause! :)

Fertile Soil Equals Growth

While studying this morning I was led to the parable of the sower in Luke chapter 8.  As  I was reading the comments of Beth Moore on the subject, I got to thinking... what, in gardening terms, is the definition of fertile ground.  So, I did  a little investigating of my own (Mama Shari, aren't you proud... I'll be a gardner yet!) and then viewed it in light of a healthy walk with the Lord.  Here's what I came up with: 

Fertile soil must be:

1.  Rich with nutrients.  For any plant to grow healthy, the soil in which it is planted must be     filled with phosphorus, magnesium, calcium, and nitrogen.  When these elements are present   the soil is then considered to be fertile.  

How like our Christian life.  We cannot be a healthy and growing follower of Christ unless we are filled with the proper "nutrients" (the Word of God).  God's Word provides all we need for life and godliness.

2. Tilled.  The hard ground must be broken up and softened for the soil to be considered usable. The process of turning the soil upside down and inside out also allows more oxygen to flow through, giving it benefits to the plants that will be planted there.  

Like the ground being tilled, our hearts must be as well.  The hard heart must be broken up and pliable so God can speak and work.  Though this is a process that is far from "comfortable", it is a necessary part of being a healthy Christian. 

3. Able to retain nutrients.  The soil that retains the nutrients is the soil that produces the most growth.  The magnesium, calcium, phosphorus, and nitrogen all work together to produce healthy growth.

The word of God does that for the believer if we retain and apply it to our lives.  When we hear the Word we must allow it to take root and to allow it to penetrate well into our hearts.  As the Word dwells in us richly and we apply it to our everyday lives, then, and only then, can we become healthy.

Extraordinary Love Part 1

This is my first attempt at fictional writing.  I'm not sure I can do it, but here is the first little snippet.  Should I write the rest?  :)

Extraordinary Love Part 1:

She never considered herself to be the sort that needed anything from anyone.  She very much liked doing things her way, in her own time, at her own pace.  She was doing just fine, at least that is what she convinced herself of. 

 

Depraved, however, is what she really was.  If she were to be honest with herself she would admit her dissoluteness.  But wasn't that true of humanity?  Weren't most individuals too proud to ask for help, while at the very same moment crying out to be helped? It is the paradox of human existence: living while never choosing to recognize the pulchritude of life as it has been given.  

For her, though, she eventually came to admit how very wrong she had been. And now, her eyes seemed to be showing her things which she had never been able to see before; things she had missed and didn't even know she was missing.  Why the change?  The answer was simple; it was because he stepped into her life and changed it forever...

I Think I'm in Trouble

Today I introduced my students to the Cannonball read, but I put a little bit more of a twist on it. I told them that I would also be participating, and that I challenged them to each read 100 books before I read 100 books.  Of course I did not tell them that I could not possibly read 100 books by the end of the school year (4 months from now),  but it sure put a fire under their little tushies! All they wanted to do today is read, read, read!  I will do my very best to read as many books as I possibly can, but I think I might be in a bit of trouble;  their books, you see, are like 30 pages each... mine have to be 200 or more!  Any suggestions??

I am putting up a chart with each of our names on it and a little bar graph so that at any moment they can see how many more books they have to read until they get to 100.  They can also see how far BEHIND Miss La Rue is! :)  This will hopefully motivate them even more to press on with the reading business!  I am willing to be humiliated by third graders reading more books than me if will cause them to love to read; I'll take one for the team! :) 

Cannonball Read

**UPDATED 3/17/09** 

I have long since thought that reading has become a lost art.  Did you know that less than 50% of American adults read literature today?  That, if you ask me, is an absolute tragedy.   

Being a teacher in the public school system, I have seen the decline in the desire to read starting as young as 8 years old.There is no longer a desire. Television, video and computer games have taken the place of reading a good book. 

There is so much to be gained by reading.  With a good book in hand so many possibilities open up.  Vivid imaginations do not just form themselves; by reading frequently the imagination is stirred and thought processes run wild.  No only that, the more one reads, the more exposure to print one has; they then become a more fluent reader, the quality of their spelling deepens, and the exposure to good writing is instilled.  Most of our younger generation lack all of these skills.  It is no wonder that the students we are producing are struggling readers.

What can we do about this you ask?  Well, I am not sure I can change the world, but I am going to try.  Starting with my little class of 3rd graders (who hate to read) I am challenging them with the cannonball read (a challenge that I am also undertaking myself).  The cannonball read is a challenge to read 100 books in one year.  Yes, it is designed for adults because the books have to be more than 200 pages and are not to be short stories, but I am adapting it to my class and just asking them to read 100 books each.  What is the incentive???? I told them that those who succeed will get a limo ride with Miss La Rue to a movie and lunch destination of their choice.  So, may the challenge begin! Anyone else up for it????

January 2009:

The Sunday Philosophy Club by A.M. Smith

The Shack by Wm. Paul Young

February 2009:

The Soloist by Steve Lopez

Currently reading: The Warrior by Francine Rivers 

3 done, 97 more to go!

To Do Them All...

Being the very good student that I am, when given an assignment, I do it.  So, thanks to Heather, I have an assignment to do.  The assignment is to create sort of a bucket list.  I am to write down things I would like to do in my lifetime.  I will start the list of with the things I wish to do in 2009 and then the rest of the list will be what I have my lifetime to achieve. If you feel so inclined, jump right in and join me and post your list on your blog too! 

2009:

• read 100 books
• mentor a child in the Big Sister program
• start a homeless food kitchen through my church
• teach the struggling readers in my class to read 
• buy a house
• memorize 100 scriptures
• see prayer really change lives
• take a writing class
• start my Master's degree
• write blogs that encourage others to walk with Jesus
• take a Spanish class and learn the language fluently
• sponsor Compassion Sunday at my church in April

To accomplish over my lifetime:

• write a book (or two)
• build Hope House for orphans
• read all the Newberry Award winner books
• help a child achieve their dreams
• become a good cook
• study EVERY book of the Bible inductively the Kay Arthur way
• meet Beth Moore and tell her how much she has inspired me
• spend a month in England
• learn to play the piano
• learn to play the guitar
• become a linguist
• see my family come to Christ
• be a part of the rapture of the church (Oh yeah!)

I can't think of anything else right now.  I will let you know when I add more.  But for now, that should keep me busy enough!

Birthday Blessings

There were great plans for the weekend.  A birthday day at the Happiest Place on Earth... that's right, Disneyland!  Since this year you get in free on your birthday I was going to take advantage of it.  My mom, Step dad, and brother were all headed to visit Mickey right along with me, but that sort of fell apart when my mom got bronchitis and was at home in bed all weekend.  It was no big thing though... I know we will get there eventually.  I was kind of bummed since I was looking forward to hanging with the fam at my favorite place in the world, but another time I suppose.

Instead I got to spend the day at home sitting with my Bible and being blessed by gifts and flowers, hugs, birthday songs and phone calls.  I enjoyed my day at home.  

I got to spend my birthday evening with my Grandma, my brother, and my stepdad at my favorite restaurant, Claim Jumper.  I got to indulge in some delicious fare and an even more delicious dessert... the CHOCOLATE CHIP CALZONE!  Ok, I am not even a chocolate fan, but this dessert is AMAZING!  It is better than amazing; it's deliciously, deliriously, delectable (do you like how I used all d's to describe the dessert).  If you have not had the pleasure of giving yourself over to one of these desserts, please do so immediately!

   

The Poor, Pitiful Blog

I must not be a very good blog writer. Seriously. My friends are getting nominations for best blog of the year and I can't get a comment to save my life! Who knows if anyone is even reading this thing!  I even sent out Christmas cds to 50 people with the blog address and not ONE reply!  NOT ONE!  Wow... I better step it up a notch!  

I guess I could write about what time I got up, what I ate for breakfast, or how long it took me to drive to work this morning... maybe those things would be more interesting to my readers (which apparently I have none) than what I am currently writing about.  Wow!  I better research some creative ways to get people to interact with me on this thing! (Now picture me pouting with my lip stuck out really far and my puppy dog eyes all droopy like)...

Back to Basics

Every year, for the last five years, I have asked the Lord to give me a scripture for the year; something that is between Him and me, something we can work on together.  Each year He has been faithful to show me a specific scripture that has been a challenge and a blessing all at the same time.  This year is no exception.  

In years past the scriptures have always been ones that have challenged me to move forward and to allow God to use me in the things He desires.  I have always been very excited about the possibilities of what He will do.  This year, however, He seems to have given me a back-to-basics type of scripture and I completely understand why....

This past year has been a rough one for me in so many ways, but especially spiritually.  I had sort of tuned God out because I had a very bitter and angry heart.  I wanted nothing to do with a "religion" that told me I had to "be of good cheer" all the time because I was definitely not cheerful.  I'm sure I could fool most of you into thinking I was doing just fine, but to a select few I was definitely not alright.  

Recently though, a precious, precious friend of mine finally stood up to me and called me out on NUMEROUS things.  She had to be very rough with me to make me open my eyes to the horrible  attitudes I had claimed as mine.  In all reality I knew exactly what I was doing, I was just so mad and hurt by life that I did not care how I treated others.  Such a sad state to be in...

By the complete grace of God He allowed me to be broken enough to take to heart all the things she had to say to me.  It was only then that I could see all the damage I had done. He had to completely break me and make me see that was not who He had chosen for me to be.  He desired so much more...

All of this to say...this year God is taking me back to the basics.  He is leading me through the fundamentals of my faith: prayer and scripture memorization.  I am so thrilled that He is ushering me into this season of truly putting Him first.  My scripture memorization begins with the verse that I feel He has given me for this new year ahead: "How can a young man (woman) keep his (her) way pure?  By living according to Your Word.  I seek you with my whole heart; do not let me stray from your commands.  I have hidden Your Word in my heart that i might not sin against You.  Psalm 119:9-11.  

I know this is a VERY long post, but I feel the need to "speak" it out loud and share my heart, because none of us is too far past His rescuing.  Our heart and our flesh may {will} fail, but GOD is the strength of our heart and our portion forever!  He will redeem and save those who call upon His name.  I KNOW it's true... He has done it for me!  

"Call to Me and I will answer you and teach you great and unsearchable things which you do not know"  Jeremiah 33:3

    

God Is...

Thanks to Auntie Cari, I discovered this cool site called wordle.  So, while I was there I created a wordle and thought I would share. Doing this helped me to reflect on the AWESOMENESS (is that a word?) of our God!  He is truly amazing!

Adventures in Snow

Was awakened this morning by an unusually bright, sunny day.  When I looked outside the glimmer and sparkle of the white snow against the sunlight was beautiful!  I could not help but jump out of bed, bundle myself up, and run right out into the cold, snowy morning. Here are some some pictures of the silliness..

You Know it's Snowing In Cali When...

This morning on my way home from the training that got canceled, I stopped at Walmart to pick up some much needed items.  While I was there I stopped on by the gloves isle to pick up a pack of gloves for the missionaries down in Mexico.  When I rounded the corner into the gloves section there was a line, yes, a LINE!  It snows one day in sunny, southern California and everyone flocks to Walmart to buy gloves.  We are much more used to the sun, so when it does not come out, and snow starts falling, everyone goes into panic mode and bundles their children and drags them to Walmart to buy them gloves.  Gotta love us Californians!

  

~* 2008 Christmas CD Insert*~

Music has always been very special to me. I seem to be able to have my deepest feelings expressed easier through music than almost any other way (except writing of course). I absolutely LOVE worship music and I find that some of the sweetest connections with God have come through music. So, this year, I thought I would put together a CD of the songs that blessed me over the past 12 months, for one reason or another, and share them with you. I do hope you are blessed each time you listen to it! Merry Christmas!

1. Beautiful, Scandalous Night--Robbie Seay Band

I first heard this song not that long ago, but the words are beautiful! I can hardly imagine what that day was like, but that day changed life as we know it, forever.  There is such freedom because of the events of that beautiful, scandalous night.

2.  Believe--Mainstay

It is not always in my strength to believe, but somehow God always gives me the ability and the grace to trust Him.  Sometimes I am so disgusted with myself because I have such little faith, but I pray that I will always believe, even if I don't feel like it!  He deserves at least that!

3.  Bubbly-- Colbie Callait

I love Colbie's voice.  She is great!  I played this a lot while I was cleaning... it's the happy music!   

4.  Captivated--Vicky Beeching

This song is special to me because my friend Jessica and I shared this song with each other this year.  Makes me think of her and how much we both desire to always be captured by Jesus' gaze!

5.  Desire--Phil Wickham

I love anything by Phil Wickham.  He is such an awesome song writer.  His music always reaches into the depths of the heart and draws you to God. 

6.  Divine Romance--Phil Wickham

I love this song for many reasons, but probably the most because God really has wooed me with His love.  He has shown me the beauty of a romance with Him; there is none more precious.

7.  From the Inside Out--Hillsong

I first heard this song in Spanish while I was on a missions trip in Mexico.  Then I heard it at my church here in the US... so this song reminds me of Mexico and I love that!  It is such an awesome song because it really says what I have never been able to put into words.  I do want my love for God to be real, coming from the inside and pouring out all over those I meet.  

8.  Healer--Hillsong

This song is so powerful to me!  I know God can heal, but before hearing this song, I don't think I considered it personally.  There is a line that says, "You heal all my disease.  I trust in You."  I really thought about this and I came to realize He is my Healer... He has healed me from the gravest of diseases... sin.  I am so thankful that He walks with me and heals me when I need His touch.  

9.  Hosanna--Hillsong

This year has been a Hillsong kinda year.  I started going to a new church and they are all about Hillsong music, so I hear a lot of it.  I really do enjoy it!  This song is great because I want to see as Jesus sees.  I do not want to always be focused on myself, though I have been for much of this past year.  I want God to change the way I see... 

10.  Hosanna-- Paul Baloche

Not the same as the previous song, but it does have the same name.  This song is a special memory for me because they sing it at the church I used to attend in Murrieta.  It reminds me of the year I got to spend there and how blessed I was.  

I also love this song because only when I ask for God to reveal Himself to me do I find strength to walk in the Spirit each day.  Otherwise, I am in my flesh and it is an ugly mess.

11.  Jesus Take the Wheel--Carrie Underwood

I am sure everyone already knows this song, but I love it.  I do want Jesus to have all of my life and to be the One in control.  I do not want to hold the reins at all, because I only mess it up when I do.

I used to be  a country girl, but I don't listen to it anymore.  But I heard this song and I liked it a lot.  She really does have an awesome voice.

12.  My Wish--Rascall Flatts

This song is super special to me because it  is the song that I dedicated to my 6th grade class at the end of last school year.  I miss them a lot and I love to listen to this song because it makes me think of them.  

13.  Peace--Robbie Seay Band

"When we feel Him move, we cannot stay the same."  I so wish I would not be the same after I feel God move.  I have to choose to move on with Him and to not go back to where I was...

This song is so awesome because it reminds me that God still moves and works.  I want to breathe Him so deeply that I am completely changed!

14.  The Stand--Hillsong

Yes, another Hillsong song, but they are so good!  This song reminds me to continually offer my heart to Him.  Sometimes this has to be a moment by moment choice, but when I do offer it to Him, He can do amazing things!

15.  Undo--Rush of Fools

This song expresses all that I have allowed to happen in my heart this past year.  Though I am not proud of who I have become, God is so much more powerful, and I am SOOOO tankful for that!  He is the only One who can undo all that I have become, and I know He will if I will allow Him; and I want Him to so desperately!  I am so glad He does undo all that I have done.  

16.  When I Think About the Lord--Shane and Shane

This is a great song!  It reminds me to always have my thoughts on the Lord; looking at things as He would.  When I take the time to think about Him throughout the day, I am more centered and able to live beyond myself and for Him and those around me.  

17.  The 21st Time--Monk and Neagle

WOW!  This song is so true!  How many times have I walked by that homeless person and thought nothing of it.  I want to be one who helps others because of all that Jesus has done for me.  If there is a need, I want to help in any way that I can; I don't want to just walk away.  I say that I am the body of Christ so I need to step up and act like it!

Live Simply

Give Generously

Learn Continuously

Love Without Limits

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Spirit Week!

Thought I would share a few pictures from this past week at school.  We had a Christmas spirit week, and of course, I dressed up!  I would not miss a chance to dress silly!    The first picture is of jingle bell day.  Nothing really ridiculous here, but I wore jingle bells in my hair, on my shoes, and around my neck.  You could hear me coming from far away! The second picture is of Christmas spirit day.  We were to wear anything Christmas.  I decided to try to resemble a Christmas tree... the antlers were the tree topper, the green shirt the branches, the necklace is the tree's ornaments, and I actually wore a real Christmas tree skirt... it was fun!  Since there is no stopping you from laughing at me, have fun! 

A great Idea!

I cannot claim this idea as my own, but I think it is a wonderful idea and I am going to steal it.  I hope my new friend does not mind... :)

Rather than sending out Christmas cards, I am going to make a CD with all of the songs that had an impact on me this past year (or just songs that I really like).  Along with the cd I will post a blog that explains why I chose each song.  I think this is a precious way to say Merry Christmas to those that I love.  I love music so much and it is an awesome way to reconnect with some of you that I have not had the joy of seeing in a very long time.    

So, be looking for your new CD to arrive before Christmas (I will do my best to get it done and in the mail asap!)

Am I really that "Uncool"?

It has been a while since  I have posted on this here blog of mine... not because I don't love to, but because  don't make the time to.  So, I think I will make the time... deal?  

I have never really considered myself old and out of touch with the younger generation until today.  I work at a k-12 school and come in contact with a lot of children everyday.  I get the opportunity to converse with them and interact and all is well and good until it's not. :)  So all that in mind, here is how it all happened...

As we are walking out to the buses today I passed by a group of 5th graders and here's the rest:

Me: "What up yo?"

5th grade girl in the group: "What did she just say?" (laughing)

5th grade boy: She said, "What up yo?" (laughing harder)

5th grade girl:  NO, she seriously did not (laughing hysterically)

My bubble was burst.  :(  Guess I am not the "in" crowd to a bunch of almost middle school children.  Bummer.... Cori always thought I was cool.... whatever happened to the good 'ol days??? 

What a Beautiful Name!

Sometimes the name of Jesus rings too common in my every day world that I forget to truly cherish all that His name really means. Of course I love Him and know who He is, but do I REALLY? This is kind of a complicated question, but I do think it is one that must be asked of myself, and of all who call themselves Christians. Do you really know Jesus?

By "Do you know Jesus?", I don't mean, are you acquainted with Him or are you familiar with Him. I mean do you TRULY know Him? I suppose then I have to define "truly" if we are going to get anywhere in this conversation... by truly I mean "intimately" and "personally" as you know your best friend.

When I think back on my Christian walk up to this point, I can say that I know Jesus, but I honestly do not think I can say I know ALL ABOUT Him. I have been praying over the last week or so and asking the Lord to show me the next book I am to study in the Bible. I just finished up Numbers and thought I would move right on in to Deuteronomy, when I felt like God wanted something else from me. So, I began to pray. Today on my drive home from work, God showed me that I need to spend some time in the Gospels. The more I thought about it, the more I understood why...

Though I know who Jesus is and I believe that He died on the cross for me to rescue me from myself, I do not know all there is to know about Him, and that makes me sad. So, I am on a quest, a God-given quest, to learn all that I can about Jesus and who He is. I am going to dive in and find out what He likes, what He hates, what He likes to do, what He likes to eat, what He likes to read (duh, right), what His favorite things are, whatever I can find out, I am going to find it out! I am going to devote myself to the study of the Gospels and discover for MYSELF, who Jesus is and what He is like.

I am so excited about this adventure and where it will lead. In the end, when all is said and done, I will have a more intimate understanding of Jesus and the beauty that He radiates! :) I can hardly wait!

Deeper Still

It seems to me that the very pursuit I am on in my life often takes a detour through roads and valleys that I never meant to travel. I long with all of my heart to wholly pursue God in His fullness, but sometimes I end up in places far away from where He is. I do not understand it except to say along with Paul, the author of the book of Romans, "for what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do." This just reminds me that I, apart from my precious Jesus, cannot walk this Christian life and be as intimate with Him as I would like to be. I need HIM to impart His power and grace upon me every moment of every day.

Last weekend I had the most amazing time with God that I have had in a VERY long time. I was so blessed to be able to go to the "Deeper Still" conference in Las Vegas. I was honored and humbled to sit and listen to Beth Moore, Kay Arthur, and Priscilla Shirer speak from their hearts directly to me (OK, not exactly directly, but it felt like it sometimes). I can truly say that I left that conference a different person than I was when I walked in. I truly met with my Jesus and heard Him speak words to me that I have longed to here, but have been so afraid of pursuing. I know now that I can move forward in my relationship with Him because I have finally allowed Him to have all that I am, I am no longer holding anything back. God really used Beth Moore to get my attention and to turn my gaze back onto Him. There were some things that had to be dealt with before God could do all He wanted to in and through me. God did capture my heart again... there, on the floor of the Thomas and Mack Convention Center, I knelt before God and surrendered to Him the things that I KNOW have been holding me back from fully serving Him. I looked my precious Savior directly in the eyes there on the floor of that auditorium and asked Him to move me forward with Him, that I wanted all He wants for me.

One of the things that I have longed to do for Him is to write a book. I have aspired to share with other women how God has changed and molded me to love Him more and more. I desire to teach them all the things that God has shown me through His infallible Word, but I have never fully pursued it because I have always felt so very inadequate and unable. I have had the "why would God use me when he has Beth Moore" mentality.:) God very quietly spoke to me this weekend through Kay Arthur when she said, "Where are the women who are willing to exposit the scriptures and teach them to other women?". I know that God was speaking to me, because it has been a desire of my heart for a very long time.

This weekend as I watched those beautiful women of God up there teaching the Word, my heart felt like it was on fire. I desire to share the Word with women so much that I feel like I can hardly stand it. I know the Lord has given me this passion and I fully intend on using it to bless Him and He has done for me.

It has been a week now since the conference and I cannot think of anything else. When I wake up, I am thinking of what I should write down. When I eat lunch I am jotting down notes of things to type in later. When I lay my head on my pillow at night my mind runs wild with the zillions of things I want to say; all I want to do all day is write! :) For now I know that is not what I am supposed to do full time since I have a class full of third graders who would be running wild if I decided not to show up to work next week, but I know I can write as He leads me. So, as you think of me, pray that I would somehow honor the Lord with the words that proceed out of the mind of this silly girl who loves the Lord so much!

Train them Up!

Kids, at heart, are little people who so desperately want to please and rise up to the challenge given them. I believe that all children have the ability to be nice little people if they are taught to do so. They must be trained up in the way they should go. If they are taught how to be respectful and polite, they will grow up to be just that.

The group of third graders that I have this year are so sweet. They LOVE to please me and try so hard to be obedient. Today was a perfect example of how respectful kids can be if you expect them to....

Today we had visitors from PathPoint, a day program for disabled adults. They have been helping our classroom by folding and stapling books for us and tearing out homework pages and stapling them. They have been such a blessing to our class and have helped us so much. Today they came to visit our class to meet my kids. It was really a sweet thing.

Before our visitors arrived I explained to my kids that though they may look different than us or sound different than us, they are friendly people that need to be respected and shown kindness. I was a little worried that they would say or do something rude, but to my surprise, after I talked with them and told then how I expected them to act, they exceeded my expectations. They were so very gracious; they shook hands, gave hugs, asked polite questions, talked nicely to everyone that came. They really went above and beyond.

I do hope that our visitors today were blessed. Mina, Joshua, Megan, Elena, Christine, Michelle, Teresa and Kellie: my kiddles LOVED you and can't wait for your next visit.

I am so proud of these kids They are such sweet little people that are such a blessing to me!

One of the JOYS of Being a Teacher

Eagerly I started working in my classroom about three weeks ago so I would be ready before we started training next. All went well and as planned and my entire room is set up and ready for children!!! :) The furniture is arranged perfectly, all wall bulletin boards put up and decorations hung. I was so very happy about this... for once I was ahead of the game! Then today....

The literacy coach at our school came into my room to introduce herself and looked around my room and said very nice things about how neat and organized it looked. Then the conversation went sour and went something like this....

Julie: You do know that you have to have an ENTIRE wall dedicated the Open Court reading series, right?

Me: Well, actually, no I did NOT know that.

Julie: Yeah, you need to have the furniture arranged in a way that will allow you to place all the necessary things on the wall that are needed for the reading series we use here.

Me: Hmmm.... (I had no idea what to say at that point)

Why the HECK did no one else bother to tell me that when they saw me working in my room these past many weeks.... live and learn!!!

This all would not be so bad except I am on my way to Mexico for the weekend to work at an orphanage. That just leaves me Monday through Friday next week... oh but wait! I have MATH TRAINING from 8am- 4pm all next week!!! So, I guess I might as well bring a few blankets and pillows so that I can make my classroom my home for the week. I might as well not even try to plan on eating, sleeping, or even breathing until my room is done. And boy is it going to be a long process. So much for trying to work ahead... ha!

In Him I will Trust!

I should NEVER, NEVER doubt the goodness of the Lord. I know this very well, but sometimes in the midst of things I allow my mind to wander through the "what-ifs" of life. This only produces doubt and makes me forget that I can trust God more than anything else in my life! He has always provided for me and has NEVER left me without. His past faithfulness should demand my present trust... but I too often forget...

Earlier this year God gave me a scripture for the year and it has been what I have been holding onto through all of this lay-off mess. He promised me that I would be teaching and I did trust Him, though sometimes it was hard. The verse He gave to me was Daniel 11:32-33: "But the people who know their God will be strong and carry out great exploits. And those of the people who understand shall instruct many." God blessed me with that verse back in the latter part of last year and continued to make it the verse for this year. Though it may seem very out of context, I know God showed me that verse to reassure and encourage me that I would be in the classroom again... that is how good He is!

I must confess to Him that though I tried VERY hard to wait patiently and TRUST, some days I found it impossible. It was on those days that I would fall apart until I would remember the faithfulness of my God. He has, up to this point, never left me to destruction, and I should always remember that when I start to wander down the path of doubt. I cannot express to Him how very much I love Him and how very much I believe He has nothing but good for me.

Today God showed me that, once again, He is worthy of my COMPLETE TRUST! At 3:07 this afternoon I got a phone call from Lake Los Angeles School. They called to offer me a third grade teaching position for the fall! I, of course, accepted very politely, and then proceeded to hang up the phone and run around my living room jumping up and down for joy. It was a sight to behold (but I was home alone so there really is no evidence). :) So, I am now, unofficially, (only because I have not yet signed my contract... I do that next week) the new third grade teacher at Lake Los Angeles School!!!!!!!! I cannot even express how thankful I am! God is my refuge. IN HIM I WILL TRUST!!!!!

What's in Your Hands?

I have been wrestling over where I should go to church for many months now...Don't really seem to fit in anywhere. I really don't feel like I can return to my old church, though some days I want that more than anything. I have been attending a different church and have been blessed by it. I have sincerely sought the Lord, asking Him to really tell me where it is that I am supposed to be. I think He has shown me; yet another adventure begins...

My heart truly yearns to serve the Lord again in the ways that I can. It has been so very long since I was involved in a church and have really felt like it was my home. I do long for that: to be a blessing in the ways that I can. Just when I begin to think those thoughts, the others come rushing in. Thoughts like: "I have nothing to give" or "There are a ton of other people who are doing the things I want to do. I am not needed." I do know that those are lies that try to discourage me from serving the Lord. I will not give in!

Because I know that God desires me to serve Him, I have stepped out in faith today, praying that the Lord would lead me and show me what He desires for me to do. I sent an email to the leadership at Journey Church and told them my desire to serve there and to be in ministry again. Oh boy, I am really excited about what that could mean! I have no idea what God will do, but I am fairly certain that I am supposed to be there... unless God leads me somewhere else. He could still do that, I know! :)

Today's message at church was about serving God and not being afraid of Him using you. When God called Moses to do big things for Him, all he had in his hands was a stick... a stick! Moses was supposed to serve God and go and rescue His people from Pharaoh with a stick. That is all he had in his hands. God used Him and did amazing things and changed the world by using Moses and the stick he held in his hands. Incredible!

What is it that God has given me? What do I hold in my hands? God will ask me to use what He has placed in my hands to serve Him and to change the world for Him. Am I willing to let Him use all I possess (and it is not much) to change the world? Yes, I am!

Rise up to the Challenge!

At a retirement party today, one of the teachers gave a speech. In her speech she said that over a lifetime you should always be willing to try new things; things that challenge and stretch you. You grow, she said, much more when you choose to pursue things that you never thought you could, or wanted, to do. How true that is!

I NEVER, in my wildest dreams, thought I would be teaching sixth grade. But now, I am not only teaching sixth grade, but I truly enjoy it. Don't get me wrong, the subject matter is a bit challenging at times, but I still love it just the same. Today I realized that I am going to miss my class SO VERY much. I don't want to send them on to seventh grade. Can I just keep them forever????

It has occured to me that if I had never taken on the challenge to do something that stretched (and yes, I admit, SCARED the poo out of) me, I never would have had the unspeakable joy of meeting such amazing 11 and 12 year olds. God truly blessed me with the best class there could ever be. I am thankful I have had this chance; I just wish it could have lasted a little bit longer.

Now, as the season changes I must face whatever challenge comes my way. I must be willing to be challenged and stretched; so much good can come if I am. What will the next challenge be? Kindergartners? They scare me as much as sixth graders! :)

The Little Things in Life

I have discovered, though it is pretty obvious, that some of the little things in life are the most awesome blessings. This past week was a very hard week for me; the lay-off is official and even though I expected it, it still made me sad, very sad. I cried. A lot. I questioned God too, I just do not understand. But I do know He is going to do something awesome for me... I just have to wait and trust.

God brought my little sister to stay with me for the summer. She arrived yesterday and I am so blessed to have her here. Tonight she is sitting here with her friend Struvey looking at the computer and laughing hysterically. That makes me smile. God knows I needed some company. This living alone thing is not my favorite.

So, when you think of me this week, pray for me. I am applying at school districts around the area to try to find a job. God is faithful that I know!

I got to go to camp with some of my sixth graders this week too. That was a blessing. I got to spend three days in sunny Malibu, CA. It was quite nice. More to come on that later...

Let's Write a Credo

I gave my students an assignment a few weeks ago: writing a credo. I told them I wanted them to really think about this assignment and to put a little more thought into this than they normally would. Along with them, I thought it would be a good assignment for me to do as well. Since a credo is only a simple statement of what one believes, I thought it would do me good to contemplate this a little. So this is the result: ( I will continually add to it as I think of more...)

My Credo

Choose joy

Laugh often

Burp. Loud. It surprises people

Love the Lord with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength

Loose sleep to see a sunrise

Pray

Forgive

Be spontaneous

Drink Chai tea because apparently three days
without food is better than one day without tea.

Write often...it is the breathings of the heart

Fall face down before God from time to time.
Reach out and touch Him and allow Him to make you holy.

Go the extra mile

In the Course of a Lifetime

In the course of a lifetime, what does it matter? This is a quote from a book that I am reading with my students. It is a wonderful book. Even as an adult, I think everyone should read it. Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech…get it, read it, think hard on some of the morals in the story… amazing!

I asked my students to choose one thing in their life that REALLY mattered to them. With that one thing they were to write an essay about how that one thing would matter over the course of a lifetime. Some of the essays were quite interesting and some heartfelt. So, I decided to do the same. Choose one thing that matters to me and examine it in respect to the course of a lifetime…..

Some of the things that are important to me are: first and foremost, my Jesus, my family, my friends, my cell phone (seems like I cannot live without it), my career, being married and having a family someday, writing a book, my Tigger (Hey, he is awesome ok?), and of course tea (did you know that 3 days without food is better than one day without tea?) All of these things seem to be crucial in the everyday doings of my life, but in reality, are they really?

In the course of a lifetime, I don’t think some of these things really matter. Some of them, however, do. Take, for instance, my career. It has been my passion, my purpose in life. I have never thought of doing anything else. If I stop and consider how this matters in the course of a lifetime, I believe that it matters significantly. When I take into consideration how many children will have gone through my classroom in a lifetime, it is such an awesome thing… I have the opportunity to help mold and shape the lives of the many children I have the pleasure of teaching. I think my job is very important and has the potential to change the lives and affect eternity. I pray that I can do them justice and can make a difference in the lives of at least some of them.

As I think about Jesus and how much my life has been changed by Him, I put things into perspective. I have not been the best at living for eternity and making the things I do, matter. In the course of my lifetime I want it to be said of me that I did everything I could to make a difference for eternity. It is a privilege to be able to share what I know with those I care about. It could make all the difference.

I now take a step back to stop and think about the things I spend my time on. What am I pouring my energy into? I realize all I do should be thought about in respect to eternity. In the course of a lifetime will what I do today matter in the long run? I hope that all I do matters….

I am a Snapdragon!

So I took this quiz and this is the type of flower I am:

"Mischief is your middle name, but your first is friend. You are quite the prankster that loves to make other people laugh."

I am a Snapdragon What Flower Are You?

New Starts and JOYFUL Hearts

New starts. They used to be things I found exciting and looked forward to. As time passes, however, I seem to enjoy them less and less. I am not saying that they are not good, I just have not learned what it is to welcome change...

Over the past many months I feel like God has stripped me of everything that I have held so very dear to my heart. I have had to start completely over from the beginning and have felt so very barren of heart. As I write, I feel like I am standing on a cliff witnessing night fall yet again. Just as I begin to allow those thoughts to destroy me, God reminds me that I will surely see His glory in the morning (Exodus 16:6-7).

This is especially meaningful to me in this very moment of my life as tomorrow morning marks the first day of three that I have to be in court. My school district has given me (and 59 other teachers) lay-off notices. Tomorrow we begin the fight for our jobs. Over the next three days we sit by and watch as our attorney battles to save our jobs. The outlook is bleak, but we move forward anyway.

This week God has ministered to my heart so very much in this place that I am in. He has given me assurance that He is my provision. He has also given my great confidence in knowing that He is on my side. "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" (Exodus 14:14), He told me this week. What a relief it is. My God is fighting for me! He has also shown me the purpose of being still: to be able to allow Him to move on my behalf. Glorious indeed!

Tomorrow holds numerous uncertainties. But in the way that God does, He has assured me that He is Jehovah- Jireh, God my Provider. He will supply me with the grace I need for the day. No matter how big the need, His grace will be in direct proportion to it!

One thing I have learned and continue to be sweetly reminded of is this: I would have lost heart if I did not see the goodness of the Lord... I am able to move on and step forward because I know His goodness is there. I know I am not walking this alone. God is my strength and He is training me to be totally dependent on Him in EVERY area of my life. This is a hard lesson and you would think I would have learned it by now. But thanks be to Him because He continues to be patient in training me. :)

Today may have been a new start with a barren heart, but as I see the glory of the Lord in the morning, just as He promised I would, it will turn out to be a new start with a JOYFUL heart! :)

Whatever You're Doing

Somehow this puts into words everything that I cannot...

It’s time for healing, time to move on,
it’s time to fix what’s been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong;
it’s time to find my way to where I belong
There’s a wave that’s crashing over me,
and all I can do is surrender.
Whatever You’re doing inside of me,
It feels like chaos, but somehow there’s peace
And it’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see,
but I’m giving in to something heavenly
Time for a milestone, time to begin again,
re-evaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will,
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything – I surrender
Time to face up, clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
that I’ve wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears
Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but I believe …
You’re up to something bigger than me
Larger than life, something heavenly
Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life,
something heavenly, something heavenly
Time to face up, clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out...

Mere Christianity

Mere Christianity...seems like such a paradox, but in reality it IS that simple. I finished reading the book yesterday, it was quite good. There were some things that made me think and made me take a step back and examine my heart; I think that is why I liked the book so much.

This book made me think about things that I don't often think about. Take evolution, for example: I have never thought about the fact that if evolution were true, which it is not, then we as the human race would be continuing to evolve into the "next best thing". If evolution is true then it would not stop at a mere human; it would continue morphing the human race into unthinkable things. Hmmm....interesting... it is no wonder we have not seen laughing dogs and talking cats.

Yet another aspect of this book got me thinking. 'God', as C.S. Lewis says, 'is in the process of forcing us on and up, to a higher level: putting us into situations where we will have to be very much braver, or more patient, or more loving, than we ever dreamed of being before.' This is quite interesting to me. Though I find it quite true, I don't necessarily like it. But the trouble is, if I don't go through the things He has for me, I will never get to the place where He wants me. I have discovered that He often requires us to leave our comfort zones to answer our callings. This makes me wonder what He is doing with me now...

As I face the possibility of being unemployed and still do not know where I am supposed to call my home church, I wonder what He is up to. I sometimes think I cannot handle any more change... but just then God does a change-up. He is definitely teaching me that thing called trust. God rarely polishes us and perfects us in the parameters of the familiar...I must always keep that in mind.

God desires a people set apart for His name, ones that are devoted to Him. I am intrigued by that and desire to search out His heart. I can really only do that when I am allowing Him to move and remove me from the things He sees as a hindrance to my growth. Though I do not fully understand, and often times I only go kicking and screaming, I know that He knows best. It may sound like a cliche, but it really is true.

The beauty of the reality of it all: it really is simply Mere Christianity.

All CLEAR!

A few weeks ago I finally applied for my CLEAR credential. I have had my preliminary credential for four years now, and thought it time (before the five year limit) to get my credential cleared. So, the deed has been done and I am completely, officially, done with all the hoops teachers have to jump through to do what they do; that is until "they" decide that there are some other things they think teachers should do to be able to teach better....

So, with all of that excitement, I thought it quite grand that I was officially done, and then the great news.... a pink slip! GO FIGURE! Just in time for me to be completely official, the government decides that they do not have enough money, so they have to cut the education budget and lay off teachers. Lame! Now, after all of that hard work, I don't even know if I will be teaching next year. Who knew..... God did! :)

As hard as I thought this might be, I feel really peaceful in knowing that God is bigger than any budget crisis and teacher lay-off situation. Some days, I must admit, are easier than others, but I cannot worry about the things I am uncertain of. I trust that if this is not where I am supposed to be, He will move me on. I really do hope that I can continue to teach; I really do LOVE my job. But I trust and wait expecting God to do amazing things like He always does! :)

Where's Waldo?????

As a kid I loved trying to find Waldo in the midst of the colorful backgrounds in the hard bound book. It was always such a great challenge for me. I often got distracted by the many "Waldo look-alikes" that were successful in diverting my gaze. Seemed like innocent ploys, but they were successful in their rite.

As I walk this Christian walk, I am increasingly aware of all of the Waldo-like distractions that try to capture my gaze, and turn it away from my Jesus. Sometimes these schemes are successful, but only when I am not focused on the face of my Lord. Other times they are not successful because I am walking so closely with Him and will not break the gaze for anything; those are the times I long for.

I know that there are many "Waldo-looking" things I cannot see that obstruct my view of Him. Even though that is the reality, the even bigger truth is that He is still there; though I cannot see Him, He is there. No matter what comes between my view of His face, I am always assured that He is always where He has been. Though I get distracted and lose my way now and then, it is reassuring to know that I can always come home. The Waldo look-alikes will always be there, but so will my God!

The Law of Human Nature

It can be said that not everyone agrees on the same values of human nature and so therein lies the quandary...my sense of right and wrong may differ from yours and so what I find wrong to do, you may not find wrong at all. I disagree.

I am certain that humanity in general has a similar sense of right and wrong. All of our decisions are based on this sense of a moral right. We may not always choose the right way of doing things, but we are always able to. We would not know of a moral wrong if we did not have a moral right to base it all on.

Deep inside we have all been given the gift of morality. Whether we choose to listen to it or not is our choice. There is no difference in morals within the human race, as much as we try to blame our wrong doings on that. If we are honest with ourselves we would admit that we do wrong because we choose to. Not because we don't know the difference.

The Amazing Grace

Forgiveness... Seems like a little thing, but in reality it has all the power in the world. There is nothing so powerful as that of forgiveness.

I watched a movie tonight called "The Amazing Grace". It is the story of John Newton and how he came to see the incredible hurt and pain he caused as he captured and enslaved other human beings. In one particular scene, one of the African men has John Newton tied up ready to kill him for all the hurt and pain he had caused. One of the women stands up to defend him and says, "The thing that makes him human is not his power to hate, but his power to love." At that moment the man poised to kill Newton stands down and releases him. By doing so he extended such incredible forgiveness and love to a man who had caused nothing but pain and suffering to those he recruited as slaves. John Newton did not at all deserve the love and forgiveness that was shown to him. He did not deserve the grace lavished upon him, but he was given it anyway.

Isn't this how our God is towards us? He continually pours out his love and forgiveness to me , despite the things that I have done. Though I don't deserve to be showered with the grace He extends to me, He does it anway. Such amazing grace!

As I am forgiven, shouldn't I forgive? That is the way of my Jesus. I so much want to be like Him, but I have so many things keeping me from Him, mainly myself. I do know that I have the ability to destroy someone or free them by the decisions I make. Forgiveness is the much better way. I know that I need His grace poured out upon me to do it because by nature I am not forgiving. I do desire to be set free and to set others free by loving them enough to forgive. To show God's Amazig Grace to those around me; what better gift could I give them? After all, my precious Lord has done the same for me!

McTeacher's Night

All I can say about this is that I am so VERY glad that I went to college and do not have to work at McDonald's!!!!!

Last Tuesday night our school held McTeacher night at McDonald's on Avenue K. I was the lucky teacher who got to work filling the orders.... no big deal I thought. "How hard can it be?" Famous last words!!!

How was I to know that the ENTIRE city of Lancaster would show up to support our fundraiser? FYI, next time, I will be the wiser!! The place was packed, standing room (but barely) only. I never even got a chance to see any of my friends that came to support my school, because I was so busy that I did not have time to notice!!!! I remember at one point during the night looking at the pending orders on the monitor.... yeah, there were about 53. I was doing a great job.... (Not really)

I do not think I have worked harder and been in more pain ever in my life. By the end of the night my feet and back were so incredibly sore. I had been on my feet WAY too long. The funny thing is, I was looking much better than Mr. Conte, our principal. He looked as if he had just been up for 72 hours and run around the entire state of California twice. Poor guy...:)

All in all I did have fun. I just learned that I never want to work at McDonald's. I have a new found respect for the people that do. Go to college I say!!!!! Save yourself!!!!!

I Think I am in Love!

Yesterday I discovered this amazing music... I just had to share with you. As you read this you are listening to my favorite song of Colbie Caillat. I was in the Greenhouse Cafe yesterday and this song came on the radio. Her voice seriously captured my attention. Because of my fascination I inquired of the waitress to see if she could enlighten me as to who was singing so beautifully. The funny thing about it is she told me who was singing but looked at me as if I should have known. Apparently everyone has heard of her... where have I been?????

Upon returning home I immediately went on the Internet to find a CD of this great voice. I found it and listened to a clip of her songs for ever. Then today with the birthday $20 that I got from my grandma I went out and bought the CD. Oh how excited I am! I have been listening to it all day! If you have not heard her (well you have now because I added a few of her songs to my blog so they automatically play when you visit!), you should! I think everyone needs to have a Colbie Caillat CD.

My Favorite Kiddos

Bradyn was coloring and stopped momentarily to pose for a picture

Jackson and Dakota really do love each other...

So the funny thing about this is that I bathed all the kids and took them out one by one and dressed them. While I was not looking, a FULLY DRESSED and DRIED OFF Montana climbed back into the tub just to hang out. So I captured the moment...

How can you be angry at that face??? :)

I think she is the next Picasso

My Philospohy on Education

“Teaching is about making a dent in the world so that the world is different than it was before you practiced your craft.” ~Stephen Brookfield

Teaching is my passion in life. I consider it to be the most extraordinary responsibility there is, short of parenthood. I take my job very seriously and take every opportunity to shepherd my students towards excellence. Teaching is a chance to inspire and empower students to help them realize their potential for greatness. As a teacher, it is my responsibility to develop the minds of my students and to provide them with a learning experience that transforms their ordinary ways of thinking; this then gives them a chance to go beyond what they ever thought they were capable of. Teaching really is a work of art.

The learning process is unique and individual. Within each group of students there is a diversity that allows them to be the individual learner they are. This presents the challenge of every teacher. As an educator, I address this challenge by taking the time to learn about my students. As I do, I am then able to discover the best ways to make the material relevant to their current situations, in turn, fostering their learning throughout the year. It is essential that students become engaged with the material presented and are able to perceive the subject matter to be relevant to their own lives. By accomplishing this, the students then begin to be transformed by the material they learn; change can then take place.

The methods of my teaching practices are numerous. I do not teach one specific way every time I step into my classroom. I am convinced that learning is a complex, yet individual process that must take place within each child. I foster student learning by the implementation of various methods including physical activities, hands-on assignments, written projects, and sometimes lectures. Each of these methods is used to develop the student’s abilities and allows them to learn in their own distinct way. In one particular lesson taught to a second grade class, I desired to teach them about various key figures throughout American history. Rather than explain to the students what role each individual played in history, I allowed them to “become” that person. Each child chose a key figure, researched, and then wrote a speech, pretending to be that figure. After much practice I rented costumes for each child to portray their chosen “American” and we put on a Wax Museum for the public to enjoy. This activity allowed for all students to become involved as it permitted each student to achieve at their own level, and in their own way. This is simply one example of the many ways that I have allowed for my students to take an active role in their learning.

In my teaching experience I have discovered what teaching is not. It is not me, the teacher, standing in front of my students and imparting information to them as if they desired to be given my knowledge. Teaching, however, is about cultivating curiosity within the mind of a student, encouraging them to grow, empowering them to reach higher than they thought possible, inspiring them to strive for excellence, challenging them to pursue their goals, and encouraging and uplifting their spirit to move forward in the face of difficulty. All of this is my job as a teacher and I strive to see these qualities displayed in each child that walks into my classroom.

Teaching is a position that should not be taken lightly. This title demands a high level of responsibility; responsibility that I take very seriously. I am in charge of fostering the minds of the future generation and challenging them to go beyond what seems possible. I work very hard to maintain the same level of excellence that I require of my students. I recognize the power that comes with the role that I play in the lives of the children I teach; that is why it is so important to always be mindful of my actions and my attitudes. I do not require anything of my students that I first do not require of myself, as the position of a teacher also includes the position of a role model. I strive to be the kind of teacher that is worth looking up to. I do all that I can to continue to grow in my abilities and to make sure that I use my talents to the best of my potential. I know that being a successful teacher is up to me, and I take that challenge to heart. The mark of a successful teacher is not how many students have passed through her classroom over the years, but how many lives have been changed in the process.

The Journey...

Journey Church

I took a step today, one that I would not have normally done on my own, but I did it! I went to a new church, one that I have never been to, with no one that I know. It is called Journey Church. I was blessed. I really liked their worship, a lot! The teaching was pretty good too. I am pretty sure that he wrote his sermon with me in mind....even though he does not know me (God works like that though). :) I think I will try going there again...maybe it is the place I am to be, maybe not. We will see.

I realized today, as I sat in church, that I am trying to do things too much on my own. I am not allowing other people to help. I don't think I am doing this on purpose, it is just how things have turned out. I have built up walls as a way to defend my heart...this is not such a good thing because then I shut everyone out...that really is not my intention. Guess I know where I need to change. God will help me to open up and to be willing to be vulnerable again. It is not such a comfortable place, but I think it is necessary for growth. That is what I want...I want to grow, so here continues my journey along this path called life.

Maybe there are some things that I can let go of in the name of grace, not giving up on the relationships that are dearest to me, but working together to fulfill the call of God; to work together to get His work done. This is what He created us for anyway. To do His work and to do it together. Not alone...

--Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor.

Ecclesiastes 4:9

The Common Perspective

I really don't know why God does the things that He does, I just know that He does them for a reason. I cannot always say that I am willing to jump right into the next adventure that He has for me, because honestly, I am not. Ninety-nine percent of the time when God decides to change my life in a drastic way, or sometimes not even so drastic, I only come kicking and screaming and throwing myself on the floor. He has to pick me up, dust me off and pull me along behind Him as He leads the way.

What makes me think I know better than He does? What is it about me that feels the need to be in control? I wish I knew...Actually, I do know. I have always been in control of me....it has seemingly worked up until now, or so I thought. In all actuality, it has not worked. I have done things on my own for far too long never really understanding that my way is not "best". At its best, my way is not even good.

I have realized over the last few weeks that it is all about my perspective, the way that I view myself and the world as a whole. I have been caught up in thinking as the world thinks. I have not allowed God to renew my mind which then releases me of the common perspective of man. My thoughts have been my thoughts; they have not been God's. Therein lies the problem.

As I have studied Romans 12 this week it all makes perfect sense. My perspective is off. I view the things that happen to me and around me in relation to how they affect me. This is not the biblical way, not how God would have me to think. I must allow Him to renew my mind and to completely take over in that area. I know this is the area that pulls me down the most when I do not take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ and allow Him to do His thought changing process in me.

I welcome Him here and plead with Him to not give up on me. I know that He is ever patient and lovingly graceful. I know He has what it takes to see this work through to the end. I only worry that I don't have what it takes. Actually, I know I don't, but He can create it in me along the way. So here we go...yet another journey; one that will end gloriously as He continues His work in me.

A New Year, a New Start

As we bring in 2008, a whole new life awaits me. I am excited about the changes ahead, though a bit apprehensive. God has done great things for me and has blessed me beyond words; knowing this I am able to move forward to whatever He has for me...He has done all of this for me... a new job and a new (might I say cute) place to live. This is nothing that I have done; He has done it all for me!

I moved all of my belongings (and boy are there a lot of them) to my new townhouse in Lancaster. It took two days and two trips, but it is finally all there. Now the setting up of the place...who knows how long that will take. But it is exciting just the same.

I also start teaching my sixth graders on Monday. I a excited but not at all ready. There are still lesson plans to be made, a few things to set up in my classroom, and oh wait, I still have to figure out how to do sixth grade math before I go in and pretend to teach them something I don't know. Should be fun times.

Tomorrow I take my brother to the airport so he can fly back to Colorado and then I begin my stay in my very own townhouse...yipee!

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Driving home today it was raining and there before my eyes...behold! A double rainbow of the prettiest magnitude. I took pictures while I was driving but then decided that was probably not the wisest choice, so I pulled over and took some more. Here are the pictures I took. They do not do the rainbow justice at all and you can hardly see the second rainbow, but you can if you look hard enough...but here they are anyway. :)

I am Reminded...

A very big decision had to be made today. It was made, but not without a realization of utmost importance.

As I said in a previous blog, I have been trying to find a place to live, trying to decide between a few choices. It has been a very hard decision. It does seem like it would be a no brainer, but I have had a hard time making sure I am doing the right thing. Why has it been so hard? Honestly I don't know. I really think I over think....:)

Right now I am overwhelmed with putting together a classroom, getting ready for Christmas, preparing for my brother to come, and finding a place to live. The later seems to be the icing on the cake. I have so much to think about and making a huge decision such as this just put me over the edge.

So...while I was working in my classroom, knowing the decision had to be made today (the lady from the townhouse complex called yesterday and said she needed a deposit by today if she was to hold the place for me), I began to allow doubt and confusion to creep in.

I took some time and went out to my car to sit and pray. I really needed to hear from the Lord. I knew that I could not make this decision alone. Once again God showed me the importance of running to Him in my time of confusion, not to my friends.

After taking the time to sit and pray I had complete peace. I knew that God was giving me the trumpet sound that I have been praying for. I was reminded again of the importance of asking the Lord about each and every decision.

So, at 5:30 this evening I went and put a deposit on townhouse #36 in the Desert Colony Complex. I suppose that makes it official...and yes, I am actually excited. I am confident that this is the place for me!

Tis the Season

The Christmas season is always one of my favorites. I love the cooking, wrapping, shopping for those I love...all of it. I love getting to see my brother when he comes home for Christmas. This year is no different. Well, maybe a little.

I have not been too much into the Christmas spirit this year. I have been trying, but, nothin'!. As time goes on I am getting a bit more excited about it, but something is just not happening this year. My brother will be here in a week and Christmas will be almost here. I NEED TO GET WITH THE PROGRAM.

Tomorrow I am going to finish my Christmas shopping and then come home and wrap all of it (not like it is that much...I am poor this year). Maybe that will help me to get into the spirit....one can hope.

This week will be extremely busy. I have to finish Christmas shopping, make cookies, mail packages, and one minor little thing.........set up my entire classroom. Any takers for some help???? I think I may be getting myself in a pickle. Don't know how all this is going to happen this week....it will be a miracle. I am tired already. Just thinking about it makes me want a nap....think I will.....

His Love Continues

Went to my alma mater Calvary Chapel Bible College today. It was their fall graduation ceremony. I got to watch the last of the friends I have there graduate. It was a sweet ceremony....brought back memories of my graduation day. I do miss that place. Someday maybe I will get the chance to live there again. Maybe....

The Lord is good,I know. Sometimes I just don't understand why He takes away the things that are most precious to us. But then again, I do understand it. It is only when He has removed those things that are so dear to our hearts that He can fully reveal Himself and His plan to us. I get it, I just wish that it did not have to hurt so badly.

His love and grace are worth far more than anything that I hold dear, I am confident of that. I just have not learned to let go of the things that I have kept close to me for too long. He is teaching me though, and I am thankful.