New starts. They used to be things I found exciting and looked forward to. As time passes, however, I seem to enjoy them less and less. I am not saying that they are not good, I just have not learned what it is to welcome change...
Over the past many months I feel like God has stripped me of everything that I have held so very dear to my heart. I have had to start completely over from the beginning and have felt so very barren of heart. As I write, I feel like I am standing on a cliff witnessing night fall yet again. Just as I begin to allow those thoughts to destroy me, God reminds me that I will surely see His glory in the morning (Exodus 16:6-7).
This is especially meaningful to me in this very moment of my life as tomorrow morning marks the first day of three that I have to be in court. My school district has given me (and 59 other teachers) lay-off notices. Tomorrow we begin the fight for our jobs. Over the next three days we sit by and watch as our attorney battles to save our jobs. The outlook is bleak, but we move forward anyway.
This week God has ministered to my heart so very much in this place that I am in. He has given me assurance that He is my provision. He has also given my great confidence in knowing that He is on my side. "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" (Exodus 14:14), He told me this week. What a relief it is. My God is fighting for me! He has also shown me the purpose of being still: to be able to allow Him to move on my behalf. Glorious indeed!
Tomorrow holds numerous uncertainties. But in the way that God does, He has assured me that He is Jehovah- Jireh, God my Provider. He will supply me with the grace I need for the day. No matter how big the need, His grace will be in direct proportion to it!
One thing I have learned and continue to be sweetly reminded of is this: I would have lost heart if I did not see the goodness of the Lord... I am able to move on and step forward because I know His goodness is there. I know I am not walking this alone. God is my strength and He is training me to be totally dependent on Him in EVERY area of my life. This is a hard lesson and you would think I would have learned it by now. But thanks be to Him because He continues to be patient in training me. :)
Today may have been a new start with a barren heart, but as I see the glory of the Lord in the morning, just as He promised I would, it will turn out to be a new start with a JOYFUL heart! :)