God never fails to be amazing. He knows the innermost workings of my heart, yet He continues to lavish His grace upon me. I don't understand or comprehend such beauty and grace, but I am thankful.
I sit here tonight, completely humbled and broken. I have encountered my God tonight in a way that I have not experienced in a long time. I have missed Him.
God has been speaking very sweetly to me for quite some time now, about surrendering ALL to Him. Yeah, yeah we have all heard it before, but this time it is different. God has been calling me away with Him and I have resisted out of pure, selfish, stubborn pride. I have wanted to do my own thing in my own way. But God is too kind and compassionate to allow that go on forever. :) (Thank you LORD!)
Wednesday started out like any other day, but it ended with a challenge from God to surrender all. It came in the form of a testimony from an 18 year old boy, who discovered at such a young age, that life is not worth living unless it is being lived in full submission to Christ. That night I prayed and sought the Lord for strength to give Him all of my fears, my sins, my dreams, my desires...
Thursday brought sweet fellowship with God; just me, my Bible, my cup of tea, my blanket, and my Jesus!. I poured out my heart to Him and felt that this time it was real, this time it was different.
Then came Friday...why is it that when you are seeking God whole heartedly that temptation and sin seem the strongest? Well, I had a setback and allowed my flesh to overpower my spirit.... I HATE SIN!
But TODAY...oh how beautiful my precious God is! Church was awesome and challenged me to be changed in Him. Then I came home and "stumbled" (it was no accident...God had it planned all along) upon a friend's blog that TOTALLY convicted me. I KNOW that God had her write that just for me.
I have not felt this peaceful in the arms of God in a long, long time. I am assured that He is gracefully watching over me and drawing me back in...He is breaking me right now of some things that are hindering our relationship, and it hurts. But I want it more than anything...