Reflections from a Thankful Heart

Nominated!!!!! Me?????

2012-01-16T17:50:00.000-08:00

First off, let me just say how very honored I am! I was so very blessed to have had my blog nominated as a favorite by Amanda Rose. She has a blog entitled "It's the LIttle Things in Life", and she nominated me! I do not know her personally, but she found my blog and has been reading it as often as I post. I am thankful and so very honored. Thank you Amanda! I look forward to reading your blogs!

If you would like to participate here are the rules:
1. Show your thanks by linking the person who nominated you.
2. Leave links to five of your top blogs and leave a comment letting them know too!
3. Post the award on your blog.
4. Enjoy the Love :)

Now to nominate my top blogs...

1. A dear friend of mine is a wonderful mother and wife, and an amazing writer. Colleen's blog is full of godly wisdom, charm, and a real sense of life. She expresses her heart beautifully in her Becoming Chao blog. This is a definite must read.

2. My dear Autumn Rae loves to share all the things God is doing in her life. She shares so beautifully the things He is teaching her. She allows others to see how He works through her to constantly change her into who He wants her to be. Come Away with Me is an awesome blog!

3. And if it is gardening you are into, you must check this blog out! Extreme Gardener covers it all. She is a VERY dear friend of mine who loves the Lord and loves her garden! She broaches various subjects on her blog: gardening, God, her non-profit that she works with, and the love of her family. She inspires me every time I read her blog...and it makes me miss her too! :)

I hope you enjoy checking out these blogs and that it inspires you to write all the more! Happy blogging!

Desperate for Grace

2011-11-08T22:41:00.001-08:00

Time after time, day after day, I find myself desperate for grace. With my tremendous need though, comes God's abundant grace. He lavishes it upon me through every circumstance. As I grow more and choose to walk in His ways, I am understanding more of how His grace is readily available when I fall face-down and choose to let Him pour it upon me.

Minute by minute I see my need for grace. For every unkind word I've spoken, He pours out His grace. For every hurtful look I've given, He lavishes grace. For each spiteful thought, His grace. God redeems my mistakes and challenges me to do it right the next time. Do I always follow? I wish I did. But this I do know: because of His AMAZING grace, I WANT to be a kinder, more gentle, forgiving person. His grace causes me to want to lay aside my flesh and see as He sees.

I am desperate for grace. It causes me to see Him more clearly.

Fill 'er Up!

2011-11-02T21:43:00.000-07:00

Take a can of soda.

Imagine trying to remove all the bad from it to make it good. Impossible, right? Yes! After a while, removing all the bad has only left you with an empty soda can.

Now, relate that to your spiritual life.

Imagine yourself, day after day, trying to remove all the bad in an attempt to make yourself good. Have you tried it? Does it work? Well, if we are honest, the answer is no. As honorable an effort as that might be, it is not productive and leaves us defeated. We could potentially spend every waking moment trying to rid ourselves of all the bad we find in our lives. At some point we have to begin to fill our lives with good to replace the bad, not simply remove all of the bad.

God has given us so many good things to fill our lives with that we can begin the transformation with any number of them. Seek first the kingdom...see what He has waiting for you. Fill your life with things that are excellent, praiseworthy, noble, and edifying. See how quickly transformation takes place and the junk of our sinful nature subsides. When we spend time pouring good into our lives, we can't help but be changed.

Love Beyond

2011-07-05T19:47:00.000-07:00

I was reading through Hebrews yesterday and God just gave me this poem. I LOVE how He does that....

God, being a Lover of Man
reached down with His outstretched hand
His love went beyond all reasonable thought
as He sent His Son to die and therein bought
our freedom from sin and death

He who suffered and those He rescued
now called family, no longer destitute
He calls us His own, we're bought with a price
now one with Him who redeemed all our lives
to live for eternity in glory with Him

I'm Becoming a Cowboy!

2011-07-03T19:52:00.001-07:00

I never thought I wanted to be a cowboy, but as it turns out, I do!

We are instructed in 2 Corinthians 10 to "[bring] every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ." The word used for captivity in this passage means to lead away as a prisoner. This is similar in context to a cowboy riding a horse and lassoing his prey.

When a cowboy swings his lasso around in the air, his focus is on his prey. He reaches high into the heavens with his hand outstretched, concentrating, focusing on the cattle in front of him. Then he swings his arm around one last time and lets the rope go, lasso falling on the animal in his sight. Once he "ropes" the animal he jumps off his horse and ties the prey up, wrapping him by the feet so he can no longer move around and have free reign. He is held captive by this cowboy.

So it is with us in the battlefield of our mind. We are to take our thoughts that are unpleasing to the Lord, lasso them, tie them up completely, and stop them from roaming free in our minds. Only then can we be victorious and walk this race with endurance, the race that God has set before us. We can be victorious!

Planned Neglect

2011-07-02T22:41:00.000-07:00

Most often we would all consider it immature or irresponsible to be neglectful. Neglect is looked at as a sign of weakness or frailty. In this instance, I would disagree.

In our lives we often get so consumed with our daily activities and routines that we in turn become neglectful; neglectful of God, what He is saying to us, what He wants to do through us. We get so caught up in what we are doing that we forget to be attentive to Him.

Maybe the solution is to plan a little neglect. Planning to neglect the things that will distance up from the voice of God, could draw us closer to Him. When we lay aside all things that hinder us, we are then free to fly.

The Bible tells us to "throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us" (Hebrews 12:1). In doing this we can be victorious against sin and lead a life that is all that God has planned for us.

Pieces from Greg Laurie devotional, Beyond

Words are not Enough

2011-06-26T22:48:00.000-07:00

I am at a loss for words.

God never fails to be amazing. He knows the innermost workings of my heart, yet He continues to lavish His grace upon me. I don't understand or comprehend such beauty and grace, but I am thankful.

I sit here tonight, completely humbled and broken. I have encountered my God tonight in a way that I have not experienced in a long time. I have missed Him.

God has been speaking very sweetly to me for quite some time now, about surrendering ALL to Him. Yeah, yeah we have all heard it before, but this time it is different. God has been calling me away with Him and I have resisted out of pure, selfish, stubborn pride. I have wanted to do my own thing in my own way. But God is too kind and compassionate to allow that go on forever. :) (Thank you LORD!)

Wednesday started out like any other day, but it ended with a challenge from God to surrender all. It came in the form of a testimony from an 18 year old boy, who discovered at such a young age, that life is not worth living unless it is being lived in full submission to Christ. That night I prayed and sought the Lord for strength to give Him all of my fears, my sins, my dreams, my desires...

Thursday brought sweet fellowship with God; just me, my Bible, my cup of tea, my blanket, and my Jesus!. I poured out my heart to Him and felt that this time it was real, this time it was different.

Then came Friday...why is it that when you are seeking God whole heartedly that temptation and sin seem the strongest? Well, I had a setback and allowed my flesh to overpower my spirit.... I HATE SIN!

But TODAY...oh how beautiful my precious God is! Church was awesome and challenged me to be changed in Him. Then I came home and "stumbled" (it was no accident...God had it planned all along) upon a friend's blog that TOTALLY convicted me. I KNOW that God had her write that just for me.

I have not felt this peaceful in the arms of God in a long, long time. I am assured that He is gracefully watching over me and drawing me back in...He is breaking me right now of some things that are hindering our relationship, and it hurts. But I want it more than anything...

2011-01-04T18:19:00.000-08:00

As promised, unlike last year, here is the cd insert for the 2010 cd. :) The order somehow got all messed up so I honestly have no idea what order the songs are on the cd...sorry about that. But, at least you will have the name and artist of each song! :) It will be like a treasure hunt to figure out which song is which! :) Merry Christmas, friends!

1. Your Love Sets mMe Free by The Advice
2. Your Beloved by By the Tree
3. Walking on the Stars by Group 1 Crew
4. Oh, Happiness by David Crowder Band
5. No Matter What by Kerrie Roberts
6. Unashamed by Starfield
7. Angels We Have Heard on High by Relient K
8. Hanging On by Britt Nicole
9. Light Up the Sky by The Afters
10. You Can Have Me by Sidewalk Prophets
11. Revelation Song by Kari Jobe
12. Our God by Chris Tomlin
13. We Are by Joy Williams
14. Starry Night by Chris AUgust
15. This is Our God by Chris Tomlin
16. You ALone Can Rescue by Matt Redman
17. At the Cross by Hillsong
18. Christmas Time by Phil Wickham

Another Blog :)

2010-07-29T22:51:00.000-07:00

I now have the Home for Hope blog on blogspot! I hope that you can find it easier now to follow the happenings of Home for Hope! We can't wait to see you there! http://homeforhopeav.blogspot.com/

Did You Miss Me?

2010-06-15T22:32:00.001-07:00

Well, friends, did you miss me? I think I have been gone from my blog for quite a while now, but do not fear, I have returned!

I do miss writing and sharing my thoughts, but I sometimes get into a "funk" and decide I don't want to write. But I have purposed to begin writing again, so be on the lookout... more to come! :)

2009 Christmas CD

2009-12-21T09:48:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone! I will be working on the cd insert later today, I just have not had a chance as of yet! So, if you are here looking for that, do not fear...it is coming!!!!

To Have Unconditional Faith

2009-10-21T16:11:00.000-07:00

The difference between conditional faith and unconditional faith... I've never thought much about it until yesterday. What if a traumatic event occurred in my life tomorrow, would I still have faith in the only One who could heal my brokenness????

Up until yesterday, I have always thought that a tragedy in my life would be the end of life as I knew it, that I would not be able to get up off the floor ever again; but I received a little perspective from God yesterday.

So, what if someone I loved dearly was taken from me, or I was stricken with a terminal illness? What would I do? How would that affect my life? My faith? God showed me very patiently through one of Beth Moore's stories that went something like this: "What if any of those things did happen? What would you do?" asked God. My response, "Well, I would cry, a lot". Then God said, "Okay, then what?" "Well, Lord, I would go into a depression." "Okay then what?" He asked. "I would spend a lot of time on the floor, asking why." "Okay, then what?" He said. "I would read my Bible to find comfort." "Okay, then what? He said. "Then I would miss serving You and desire to be in ministry again." "Okay, then what?" He asked. "Then I would realize that if something horrible happens then YOU ARE STILL YOU."

I spent this morning crying my eyes out and pleading with the Lord to allow me to have that kind of unconditional faith. I don't want faith that is contingent upon bad things not happening to me. When the hard things happen, I want to cling to Him because it is what I have always done. He showed me last night that I cannot rest my faith on things not happening because if they ever do, my entire life support will be taken away.

I need Him now more than I ever have. And I pray that as I learn to love Him more and more, I will be able to see that unconditional faith is worth far more than anything I could hope for. He will still be God, always. If tragedy, then GOD!

New Blog!

2009-07-12T19:15:00.000-07:00

Ok ya'll! I know I have not been very diligent to keep this blog updated, but I started a new blog for this new venture I am about to embark on. So, if you have some time, check out http://web.me.com/fishlicity/. I hope you will bookmark that page as well and come back often to see all of the things God is doing!

Beholding is Becoming

2009-06-22T14:44:00.000-07:00

Deuteronomy 10:16-17 gives us a very specific command. It challenges us to "Circumcise [our] hearts therefore, and do not be stiff-necked any longer. For the Lord your God, is the God of gods and the Lord of lords, the GREAT GOD MIGHTY AND AWESOME!" This is part of the verse that I am memorizing right now. I have been working on it for a little while now, but today something made me wonder...

The fourth word in this verse says "therefore". To me that means that because of something previously stated, we should be moved to circumcise our hearts. So what is the thing that has taken place that should cause me to circumcise my heart; to cut away anything at all that is hindering me from reaching heights with God?

Verse fifteen explains it very clearly. It says that God has chosen me (and all of us) and set His affection on me and all of those who have come before me. And because of this act of love that He so willingly gave, I should be allowing my heart to be molded and shaped into the things that are pleasing to Him. This is a huge challenge and not an easy task, but it is required if any ground is to be gained on this spiritual journey.

So, in light of God's Word, I am asking Him to help me and empower me to remove all the things that hinder me from meeting with Him and hearing from Him. I am pleading with Him to get up in my business and remove the junk that I have placed in my heart...

Will you join me in praying a dangerous prayer? "God enlighten me to see myself in light of Your Word, to see myself for who I really am so that I can allow You to change me and circumcise my heart to be beautiful for You!"

My Beloved

2009-02-14T10:26:00.000-08:00

Dear My Beloved,

There has never been, and will never be, anyone more beautiful. I have never met anyone else that I have loved so very much from the first moment I met them. You have shown me more love and care than anyone else ever could. I cannot imagine my life without you.

The moment I met you my life was changed forever. There never was any inclination in my mind to turn back from this love. I was, and continue to be, amazed at the depth of your beautiful love for me. I cannot, most times, comprehend why you love me as you do. I have not been the kind of person who deserves the love that you have given. I am forever thankful, though, that you do choose to love me. I could not ask for anything more.

I think back to the beginning and I wonder how it is that you came to desire someone like me. I know that I never showed you much interest, but you still pursued me to the uttermost. I never could have loved you like that, yet you gave your all to me. There never would be a relationship if you had not chased after me with all that you had. I am thankful beyond words.

The heartfelt conversations we had, and continue to have, are such a treasure to me. I get to know you more each time we sit and talk. I love that about us! Sometimes, I want to sit all day and listen to you: learning and soaking up all I can. What thrills me more than anything is knowing you feel the same way towards me. There cannot be a relationship anywhere that compares to the one that we have together.

Now, as I imagine our future together, I can hardly contain myself. I look forward to, with such great joy, falling more in love with you as each day passes. I know we have an eternity to be in love, but I feel like I must know the depths of your love more and more each day.

You have done all You could do to make sure that I loved You, and I cannot begin to tell You how much that really means to me. You are my Beloved and are more breathtaking than anyone I have ever met. You have loved me with an everlasting love and there could be nothing greater. Jesus, You truly are My Beloved and I am so happy that I belong to You!

Happy Valentine's Day!

What a Teacher Really Means

2009-02-12T16:46:00.000-08:00

I love being a teacher! I love being able to connect with little people! There have been some seriously amusing situations and comments involving my students, while there also have been some really profound and treasured moments as well. I don't think there is a better job anywhere in the world!

For Christmas I got a flip calender from one of my students and I love some of the entries. I thought I would share one of them with ya'll.

What Teacher Says:

Whenever I need help in class, I can always count on James to volunteer. He genuinely enjoys it.

What Teacher Means:

If the little punk doesn't stop sucking up to me, I'm going to throw a stapler at him!

Hope this makes you smile! :)

A New Call

2009-02-11T20:17:00.000-08:00

I never thought that I would ever do anything else but teach. I can always remember wanting to teach and finally deciding that I was actually going to do it. So, with high school diploma in hand, off to college I went. I spent five years learning, studying, and accomplishing all I needed to be the best teacher that I could be, always imagining that I would always teach until the day of retirement.

This year however, will be the second year in a row that I have gotten laid off. Though I have not officially gotten my pink slip yet, it is coming. But there is something different this time; I have a complete sense of peace because I feel like God shown me that teaching in the public school system is not all He has for me.

While I was in Bible College God showed me that there was more to life than what I was doing. Ever since then I have felt like I am to start a group home for foster children. I have no idea how this will happen, but I am so ready! I have started to work on the Non-profit organization paperwork and get that ball rolling. While I get that started I also have in my sights on a piece of property that would make this dream a reality... the only problem is... it costs 3 million dollars! :) But, I do know that if God wants me to do this, He will make it all happen.

So, if I do really lose my job, I would like to really focus my energy on making this place a reality! So, keep an eye out for anyone willing to donate 3 million dollars to the cause! :)

Fertile Soil Equals Growth

2009-02-07T18:09:00.000-08:00

While studying this morning I was led to the parable of the sower in Luke chapter 8. As I was reading the comments of Beth Moore on the subject, I got to thinking... what, in gardening terms, is the definition of fertile ground. So, I did a little investigating of my own (Mama Shari, aren't you proud... I'll be a gardner yet!) and then viewed it in light of a healthy walk with the Lord. Here's what I came up with:

Fertile soil must be:

1. Rich with nutrients. For any plant to grow healthy, the soil in which it is planted must be filled with phosphorus, magnesium, calcium, and nitrogen. When these elements are present the soil is then considered to be fertile.

How like our Christian life. We cannot be a healthy and growing follower of Christ unless we are filled with the proper "nutrients" (the Word of God). God's Word provides all we need for life and godliness.

2. Tilled. The hard ground must be broken up and softened for the soil to be considered usable. The process of turning the soil upside down and inside out also allows more oxygen to flow through, giving it benefits to the plants that will be planted there.

Like the ground being tilled, our hearts must be as well. The hard heart must be broken up and pliable so God can speak and work. Though this is a process that is far from "comfortable", it is a necessary part of being a healthy Christian.

3. Able to retain nutrients. The soil that retains the nutrients is the soil that produces the most growth. The magnesium, calcium, phosphorus, and nitrogen all work together to produce healthy growth.

The word of God does that for the believer if we retain and apply it to our lives. When we hear the Word we must allow it to take root and to allow it to penetrate well into our hearts. As the Word dwells in us richly and we apply it to our everyday lives, then, and only then, can we become healthy.

Extraordinary Love Part 1

2009-01-30T17:38:00.000-08:00

This is my first attempt at fictional writing. I'm not sure I can do it, but here is the first little snippet. Should I write the rest? :)

Extraordinary Love Part 1:

She never considered herself to be the sort that needed anything from anyone. She very much liked doing things her way, in her own time, at her own pace. She was doing just fine, at least that is what she convinced herself of.

Depraved, however, is what she really was. If she were to be honest with herself she would admit her dissoluteness. But wasn't that true of humanity? Weren't most individuals too proud to ask for help, while at the very same moment crying out to be helped? It is the paradox of human existence: living while never choosing to recognize the pulchritude of life as it has been given.

For her, though, she eventually came to admit how very wrong she had been. And now, her eyes seemed to be showing her things which she had never been able to see before; things she had missed and didn't even know she was missing. Why the change? The answer was simple; it was because he stepped into her life and changed it forever...

I Think I'm in Trouble

2009-01-29T15:59:00.000-08:00

Today I introduced my students to the Cannonball read, but I put a little bit more of a twist on it. I told them that I would also be participating, and that I challenged them to each read 100 books before I read 100 books. Of course I did not tell them that I could not possibly read 100 books by the end of the school year (4 months from now), but it sure put a fire under their little tushies! All they wanted to do today is read, read, read! I will do my very best to read as many books as I possibly can, but I think I might be in a bit of trouble; their books, you see, are like 30 pages each... mine have to be 200 or more! Any suggestions??

I am putting up a chart with each of our names on it and a little bar graph so that at any moment they can see how many more books they have to read until they get to 100. They can also see how far BEHIND Miss La Rue is! :) This will hopefully motivate them even more to press on with the reading business! I am willing to be humiliated by third graders reading more books than me if will cause them to love to read; I'll take one for the team! :)

Cannonball Read

2009-01-28T19:39:00.000-08:00

**UPDATED 3/17/09**

I have long since thought that reading has become a lost art. Did you know that less than 50% of American adults read literature today? That, if you ask me, is an absolute tragedy.

Being a teacher in the public school system, I have seen the decline in the desire to read starting as young as 8 years old.There is no longer a desire. Television, video and computer games have taken the place of reading a good book.

There is so much to be gained by reading. With a good book in hand so many possibilities open up. Vivid imaginations do not just form themselves; by reading frequently the imagination is stirred and thought processes run wild. No only that, the more one reads, the more exposure to print one has; they then become a more fluent reader, the quality of their spelling deepens, and the exposure to good writing is instilled. Most of our younger generation lack all of these skills. It is no wonder that the students we are producing are struggling readers.

What can we do about this you ask? Well, I am not sure I can change the world, but I am going to try. Starting with my little class of 3rd graders (who hate to read) I am challenging them with the cannonball read (a challenge that I am also undertaking myself). The cannonball read is a challenge to read 100 books in one year. Yes, it is designed for adults because the books have to be more than 200 pages and are not to be short stories, but I am adapting it to my class and just asking them to read 100 books each. What is the incentive???? I told them that those who succeed will get a limo ride with Miss La Rue to a movie and lunch destination of their choice. So, may the challenge begin! Anyone else up for it????

January 2009:

The Sunday Philosophy Club by A.M. Smith

The Shack by Wm. Paul Young

February 2009:

The Soloist by Steve Lopez

Currently reading: The Warrior by Francine Rivers

3 done, 97 more to go!

To Do Them All...

2009-01-27T17:09:00.000-08:00

Being the very good student that I am, when given an assignment, I do it. So, thanks to Heather, I have an assignment to do. The assignment is to create sort of a bucket list. I am to write down things I would like to do in my lifetime. I will start the list of with the things I wish to do in 2009 and then the rest of the list will be what I have my lifetime to achieve. If you feel so inclined, jump right in and join me and post your list on your blog too!

2009:

read 100 books
mentor a child in the Big Sister program
start a homeless food kitchen through my church
teach the struggling readers in my class to read
buy a house
memorize 100 scriptures
see prayer really change lives
take a writing class
start my Master's degree
write blogs that encourage others to walk with Jesus
take a Spanish class and learn the language fluently
sponsor Compassion Sunday at my church in April

To accomplish over my lifetime:

write a book (or two)
build Hope House for orphans
read all the Newberry Award winner books
help a child achieve their dreams
become a good cook
study EVERY book of the Bible inductively the Kay Arthur way
meet Beth Moore and tell her how much she has inspired me
spend a month in England
learn to play the piano
learn to play the guitar
become a linguist
see my family come to Christ
be a part of the rapture of the church (Oh yeah!)

I can't think of anything else right now. I will let you know when I add more. But for now, that should keep me busy enough!

Birthday Blessings

2009-01-26T18:41:00.000-08:00

There were great plans for the weekend. A birthday day at the Happiest Place on Earth... that's right, Disneyland! Since this year you get in free on your birthday I was going to take advantage of it. My mom, Step dad, and brother were all headed to visit Mickey right along with me, but that sort of fell apart when my mom got bronchitis and was at home in bed all weekend. It was no big thing though... I know we will get there eventually. I was kind of bummed since I was looking forward to hanging with the fam at my favorite place in the world, but another time I suppose.

Instead I got to spend the day at home sitting with my Bible and being blessed by gifts and flowers, hugs, birthday songs and phone calls. I enjoyed my day at home.

I got to spend my birthday evening with my Grandma, my brother, and my stepdad at my favorite restaurant, Claim Jumper. I got to indulge in some delicious fare and an even more delicious dessert... the CHOCOLATE CHIP CALZONE! Ok, I am not even a chocolate fan, but this dessert is AMAZING! It is better than amazing; it's deliciously, deliriously, delectable (do you like how I used all d's to describe the dessert). If you have not had the pleasure of giving yourself over to one of these desserts, please do so immediately!

The Poor, Pitiful Blog

2009-01-21T18:36:00.000-08:00

I must not be a very good blog writer. Seriously. My friends are getting nominations for best blog of the year and I can't get a comment to save my life! Who knows if anyone is even reading this thing! I even sent out Christmas cds to 50 people with the blog address and not ONE reply! NOT ONE! Wow... I better step it up a notch!

I guess I could write about what time I got up, what I ate for breakfast, or how long it took me to drive to work this morning... maybe those things would be more interesting to my readers (which apparently I have none) than what I am currently writing about. Wow! I better research some creative ways to get people to interact with me on this thing! (Now picture me pouting with my lip stuck out really far and my puppy dog eyes all droopy like)...

Back to Basics

2009-01-18T16:07:00.001-08:00

Every year, for the last five years, I have asked the Lord to give me a scripture for the year; something that is between Him and me, something we can work on together. Each year He has been faithful to show me a specific scripture that has been a challenge and a blessing all at the same time. This year is no exception.

In years past the scriptures have always been ones that have challenged me to move forward and to allow God to use me in the things He desires. I have always been very excited about the possibilities of what He will do. This year, however, He seems to have given me a back-to-basics type of scripture and I completely understand why....

This past year has been a rough one for me in so many ways, but especially spiritually. I had sort of tuned God out because I had a very bitter and angry heart. I wanted nothing to do with a "religion" that told me I had to "be of good cheer" all the time because I was definitely not cheerful. I'm sure I could fool most of you into thinking I was doing just fine, but to a select few I was definitely not alright.

Recently though, a precious, precious friend of mine finally stood up to me and called me out on NUMEROUS things. She had to be very rough with me to make me open my eyes to the horrible attitudes I had claimed as mine. In all reality I knew exactly what I was doing, I was just so mad and hurt by life that I did not care how I treated others. Such a sad state to be in...

By the complete grace of God He allowed me to be broken enough to take to heart all the things she had to say to me. It was only then that I could see all the damage I had done. He had to completely break me and make me see that was not who He had chosen for me to be. He desired so much more...

All of this to say...this year God is taking me back to the basics. He is leading me through the fundamentals of my faith: prayer and scripture memorization. I am so thrilled that He is ushering me into this season of truly putting Him first. My scripture memorization begins with the verse that I feel He has given me for this new year ahead: "How can a young man (woman) keep his (her) way pure? By living according to Your Word. I seek you with my whole heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden Your Word in my heart that i might not sin against You. Psalm 119:9-11.

I know this is a VERY long post, but I feel the need to "speak" it out loud and share my heart, because none of us is too far past His rescuing. Our heart and our flesh may {will} fail, but GOD is the strength of our heart and our portion forever! He will redeem and save those who call upon His name. I KNOW it's true... He has done it for me!

"Call to Me and I will answer you and teach you great and unsearchable things which you do not know" Jeremiah 33:3

God Is...

2009-01-16T18:00:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Auntie Cari, I discovered this cool site called wordle. So, while I was there I created a wordle and thought I would share. Doing this helped me to reflect on the AWESOMENESS (is that a word?) of our God! He is truly amazing!

Adventures in Snow

2008-12-18T15:15:00.000-08:00

I was awakened this morning by an unusually bright, sunny day. When I looked outside the glimmer and sparkle of the white snow against the sunlight was beautiful! I could not help but jump out of bed, bundle myself up, and run right out into the cold, snowy morning. Here are some some pictures of the silliness..

You Know it's Snowing In Cali When...

2008-12-17T14:22:00.000-08:00

This morning on my way home from the training that got canceled, I stopped at Walmart to pick up some much needed items. While I was there I stopped on by the gloves isle to pick up a pack of gloves for the missionaries down in Mexico. When I rounded the corner into the gloves section there was a line, yes, a LINE! It snows one day in sunny, southern California and everyone flocks to Walmart to buy gloves. We are much more used to the sun, so when it does not come out, and snow starts falling, everyone goes into panic mode and bundles their children and drags them to Walmart to buy them gloves. Gotta love us Californians!

~* 2008 Christmas CD Insert*~

2008-12-14T14:17:00.000-08:00

Music has always been very special to me. I seem to be able to have my deepest feelings expressed easier through music than almost any other way (except writing of course). I absolutely LOVE worship music and I find that some of the sweetest connections with God have come through music. So, this year, I thought I would put together a CD of the songs that blessed me over the past 12 months, for one reason or another, and share them with you. I do hope you are blessed each time you listen to it! Merry Christmas!

1. Beautiful, Scandalous Night--Robbie Seay Band

I first heard this song not that long ago, but the words are beautiful! I can hardly imagine what that day was like, but that day changed life as we know it, forever. There is such freedom because of the events of that beautiful, scandalous night.

2. Believe--Mainstay

It is not always in my strength to believe, but somehow God always gives me the ability and the grace to trust Him. Sometimes I am so disgusted with myself because I have such little faith, but I pray that I will always believe, even if I don't feel like it! He deserves at least that!

3. Bubbly-- Colbie Callait

I love Colbie's voice. She is great! I played this a lot while I was cleaning... it's the happy music!

4. Captivated--Vicky Beeching

This song is special to me because my friend Jessica and I shared this song with each other this year. Makes me think of her and how much we both desire to always be captured by Jesus' gaze!

5. Desire--Phil Wickham

I love anything by Phil Wickham. He is such an awesome song writer. His music always reaches into the depths of the heart and draws you to God.

6. Divine Romance--Phil Wickham

I love this song for many reasons, but probably the most because God really has wooed me with His love. He has shown me the beauty of a romance with Him; there is none more precious.

7. From the Inside Out--Hillsong

I first heard this song in Spanish while I was on a missions trip in Mexico. Then I heard it at my church here in the US... so this song reminds me of Mexico and I love that! It is such an awesome song because it really says what I have never been able to put into words. I do want my love for God to be real, coming from the inside and pouring out all over those I meet.

8. Healer--Hillsong

This song is so powerful to me! I know God can heal, but before hearing this song, I don't think I considered it personally. There is a line that says, "You heal all my disease. I trust in You." I really thought about this and I came to realize He is my Healer... He has healed me from the gravest of diseases... sin. I am so thankful that He walks with me and heals me when I need His touch.

9. Hosanna--Hillsong

This year has been a Hillsong kinda year. I started going to a new church and they are all about Hillsong music, so I hear a lot of it. I really do enjoy it! This song is great because I want to see as Jesus sees. I do not want to always be focused on myself, though I have been for much of this past year. I want God to change the way I see...

10. Hosanna-- Paul Baloche

Not the same as the previous song, but it does have the same name. This song is a special memory for me because they sing it at the church I used to attend in Murrieta. It reminds me of the year I got to spend there and how blessed I was.

I also love this song because only when I ask for God to reveal Himself to me do I find strength to walk in the Spirit each day. Otherwise, I am in my flesh and it is an ugly mess.

11. Jesus Take the Wheel--Carrie Underwood

I am sure everyone already knows this song, but I love it. I do want Jesus to have all of my life and to be the One in control. I do not want to hold the reins at all, because I only mess it up when I do.

I used to be a country girl, but I don't listen to it anymore. But I heard this song and I liked it a lot. She really does have an awesome voice.

12. My Wish--Rascall Flatts

This song is super special to me because it is the song that I dedicated to my 6th grade class at the end of last school year. I miss them a lot and I love to listen to this song because it makes me think of them.

13. Peace--Robbie Seay Band

"When we feel Him move, we cannot stay the same." I so wish I would not be the same after I feel God move. I have to choose to move on with Him and to not go back to where I was...

This song is so awesome because it reminds me that God still moves and works. I want to breathe Him so deeply that I am completely changed!

14. The Stand--Hillsong

Yes, another Hillsong song, but they are so good! This song reminds me to continually offer my heart to Him. Sometimes this has to be a moment by moment choice, but when I do offer it to Him, He can do amazing things!

15. Undo--Rush of Fools

This song expresses all that I have allowed to happen in my heart this past year. Though I am not proud of who I have become, God is so much more powerful, and I am SOOOO tankful for that! He is the only One who can undo all that I have become, and I know He will if I will allow Him; and I want Him to so desperately! I am so glad He does undo all that I have done.

16. When I Think About the Lord--Shane and Shane

This is a great song! It reminds me to always have my thoughts on the Lord; looking at things as He would. When I take the time to think about Him throughout the day, I am more centered and able to live beyond myself and for Him and those around me.

17. The 21st Time--Monk and Neagle

WOW! This song is so true! How many times have I walked by that homeless person and thought nothing of it. I want to be one who helps others because of all that Jesus has done for me. If there is a need, I want to help in any way that I can; I don't want to just walk away. I say that I am the body of Christ so I need to step up and act like it!

Live Simply

Give Generously

Learn Continuously

Love Without Limits

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Spirit Week!

2008-12-14T12:26:00.000-08:00

Thought I would share a few pictures from this past week at school. We had a Christmas spirit week, and of course, I dressed up! I would not miss a chance to dress silly! The first picture is of jingle bell day. Nothing really ridiculous here, but I wore jingle bells in my hair, on my shoes, and around my neck. You could hear me coming from far away! The second picture is of Christmas spirit day. We were to wear anything Christmas. I decided to try to resemble a Christmas tree... the antlers were the tree topper, the green shirt the branches, the necklace is the tree's ornaments, and I actually wore a real Christmas tree skirt... it was fun! Since there is no stopping you from laughing at me, have fun!

A great Idea!

2008-12-07T18:31:00.000-08:00

I cannot claim this idea as my own, but I think it is a wonderful idea and I am going to steal it. I hope my new friend does not mind... :)

Rather than sending out Christmas cards, I am going to make a CD with all of the songs that had an impact on me this past year (or just songs that I really like). Along with the cd I will post a blog that explains why I chose each song. I think this is a precious way to say Merry Christmas to those that I love. I love music so much and it is an awesome way to reconnect with some of you that I have not had the joy of seeing in a very long time.

So, be looking for your new CD to arrive before Christmas (I will do my best to get it done and in the mail asap!)

Am I really that "Uncool"?

2008-12-02T18:48:00.000-08:00

It has been a while since I have posted on this here blog of mine... not because I don't love to, but because don't make the time to. So, I think I will make the time... deal?

I have never really considered myself old and out of touch with the younger generation until today. I work at a k-12 school and come in contact with a lot of children everyday. I get the opportunity to converse with them and interact and all is well and good until it's not. :) So all that in mind, here is how it all happened...

As we are walking out to the buses today I passed by a group of 5th graders and here's the rest:

Me: "What up yo?"

5th grade girl in the group: "What did she just say?" (laughing)

5th grade boy: She said, "What up yo?" (laughing harder)

5th grade girl: NO, she seriously did not (laughing hysterically)

My bubble was burst. :( Guess I am not the "in" crowd to a bunch of almost middle school children. Bummer.... Cori always thought I was cool.... whatever happened to the good 'ol days???

What a Beautiful Name!

2008-10-08T19:32:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the name of Jesus rings too common in my every day world that I forget to truly cherish all that His name really means. Of course I love Him and know who He is, but do I REALLY? This is kind of a complicated question, but I do think it is one that must be asked of myself, and of all who call themselves Christians. Do you really know Jesus?

By "Do you know Jesus?", I don't mean, are you acquainted with Him or are you familiar with Him. I mean do you TRULY know Him? I suppose then I have to define "truly" if we are going to get anywhere in this conversation... by truly I mean "intimately" and "personally" as you know your best friend.

When I think back on my Christian walk up to this point, I can say that I know Jesus, but I honestly do not think I can say I know ALL ABOUT Him. I have been praying over the last week or so and asking the Lord to show me the next book I am to study in the Bible. I just finished up Numbers and thought I would move right on in to Deuteronomy, when I felt like God wanted something else from me. So, I began to pray. Today on my drive home from work, God showed me that I need to spend some time in the Gospels. The more I thought about it, the more I understood why...

Though I know who Jesus is and I believe that He died on the cross for me to rescue me from myself, I do not know all there is to know about Him, and that makes me sad. So, I am on a quest, a God-given quest, to learn all that I can about Jesus and who He is. I am going to dive in and find out what He likes, what He hates, what He likes to do, what He likes to eat, what He likes to read (duh, right), what His favorite things are, whatever I can find out, I am going to find it out! I am going to devote myself to the study of the Gospels and discover for MYSELF, who Jesus is and what He is like.

I am so excited about this adventure and where it will lead. In the end, when all is said and done, I will have a more intimate understanding of Jesus and the beauty that He radiates! :) I can hardly wait!

Deeper Still

2008-09-13T19:06:00.000-07:00

It seems to me that the very pursuit I am on in my life often takes a detour through roads and valleys that I never meant to travel. I long with all of my heart to wholly pursue God in His fullness, but sometimes I end up in places far away from where He is. I do not understand it except to say along with Paul, the author of the book of Romans, "for what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do." This just reminds me that I, apart from my precious Jesus, cannot walk this Christian life and be as intimate with Him as I would like to be. I need HIM to impart His power and grace upon me every moment of every day.

Last weekend I had the most amazing time with God that I have had in a VERY long time. I was so blessed to be able to go to the "Deeper Still" conference in Las Vegas. I was honored and humbled to sit and listen to Beth Moore, Kay Arthur, and Priscilla Shirer speak from their hearts directly to me (OK, not exactly directly, but it felt like it sometimes). I can truly say that I left that conference a different person than I was when I walked in. I truly met with my Jesus and heard Him speak words to me that I have longed to here, but have been so afraid of pursuing. I know now that I can move forward in my relationship with Him because I have finally allowed Him to have all that I am, I am no longer holding anything back. God really used Beth Moore to get my attention and to turn my gaze back onto Him. There were some things that had to be dealt with before God could do all He wanted to in and through me. God did capture my heart again... there, on the floor of the Thomas and Mack Convention Center, I knelt before God and surrendered to Him the things that I KNOW have been holding me back from fully serving Him. I looked my precious Savior directly in the eyes there on the floor of that auditorium and asked Him to move me forward with Him, that I wanted all He wants for me.

One of the things that I have longed to do for Him is to write a book. I have aspired to share with other women how God has changed and molded me to love Him more and more. I desire to teach them all the things that God has shown me through His infallible Word, but I have never fully pursued it because I have always felt so very inadequate and unable. I have had the "why would God use me when he has Beth Moore" mentality.:) God very quietly spoke to me this weekend through Kay Arthur when she said, "Where are the women who are willing to exposit the scriptures and teach them to other women?". I know that God was speaking to me, because it has been a desire of my heart for a very long time.

This weekend as I watched those beautiful women of God up there teaching the Word, my heart felt like it was on fire. I desire to share the Word with women so much that I feel like I can hardly stand it. I know the Lord has given me this passion and I fully intend on using it to bless Him and He has done for me.

It has been a week now since the conference and I cannot think of anything else. When I wake up, I am thinking of what I should write down. When I eat lunch I am jotting down notes of things to type in later. When I lay my head on my pillow at night my mind runs wild with the zillions of things I want to say; all I want to do all day is write! :) For now I know that is not what I am supposed to do full time since I have a class full of third graders who would be running wild if I decided not to show up to work next week, but I know I can write as He leads me. So, as you think of me, pray that I would somehow honor the Lord with the words that proceed out of the mind of this silly girl who loves the Lord so much!

Train them Up!

2008-08-20T20:27:00.000-07:00

Kids, at heart, are little people who so desperately want to please and rise up to the challenge given them. I believe that all children have the ability to be nice little people if they are taught to do so. They must be trained up in the way they should go. If they are taught how to be respectful and polite, they will grow up to be just that.

The group of third graders that I have this year are so sweet. They LOVE to please me and try so hard to be obedient. Today was a perfect example of how respectful kids can be if you expect them to....

Today we had visitors from PathPoint, a day program for disabled adults. They have been helping our classroom by folding and stapling books for us and tearing out homework pages and stapling them. They have been such a blessing to our class and have helped us so much. Today they came to visit our class to meet my kids. It was really a sweet thing.

Before our visitors arrived I explained to my kids that though they may look different than us or sound different than us, they are friendly people that need to be respected and shown kindness. I was a little worried that they would say or do something rude, but to my surprise, after I talked with them and told then how I expected them to act, they exceeded my expectations. They were so very gracious; they shook hands, gave hugs, asked polite questions, talked nicely to everyone that came. They really went above and beyond.

I do hope that our visitors today were blessed. Mina, Joshua, Megan, Elena, Christine, Michelle, Teresa and Kellie: my kiddles LOVED you and can't wait for your next visit.

I am so proud of these kids They are such sweet little people that are such a blessing to me!

One of the JOYS of Being a Teacher

2008-08-01T15:55:00.000-07:00

Eagerly I started working in my classroom about three weeks ago so I would be ready before we started training next week. All went well and as planned and my entire room is set up and ready for children!!! :) The furniture is arranged perfectly, all wall bulletin boards put up and decorations hung. I was so very happy about this... for once I was ahead of the game! Then today....

The literacy coach at our school came into my room to introduce herself and looked around my room and said very nice things about how neat and organized it looked. Then the conversation went sour and went something like this....

Julie: You do know that you have to have an ENTIRE wall dedicated the Open Court reading series, right?

Me: Well, actually, no I did NOT know that.

Julie: Yeah, you need to have the furniture arranged in a way that will allow you to place all the necessary things on the wall that are needed for the reading series we use here.

Me: Hmmm.... (I had no idea what to say at that point)

Why the HECK did no one else bother to tell me that when they saw me working in my room these past many weeks.... live and learn!!!

This all would not be so bad except I am on my way to Mexico for the weekend to work at an orphanage. That just leaves me Monday through Friday next week... oh but wait! I have MATH TRAINING from 8am- 4pm all next week!!! So, I guess I might as well bring a few blankets and pillows so that I can make my classroom my home for the week. I might as well not even try to plan on eating, sleeping, or even breathing until my room is done. And boy is it going to be a long process. So much for trying to work ahead... ha!

In Him I will Trust!

2008-06-20T21:56:00.000-07:00

I should NEVER, NEVER doubt the goodness of the Lord. I know this very well, but sometimes in the midst of things I allow my mind to wander through the "what-ifs" of life. This only produces doubt and makes me forget that I can trust God more than anything else in my life! He has always provided for me and has NEVER left me without. His past faithfulness should demand my present trust... but I too often forget...

Earlier this year God gave me a scripture for the year and it has been what I have been holding onto through all of this lay-off mess. He promised me that I would be teaching and I did trust Him, though sometimes it was hard. The verse He gave to me was Daniel 11:32-33: "But the people who know their God will be strong and carry out great exploits. And those of the people who understand shall instruct many." God blessed me with that verse back in the latter part of last year and continued to make it the verse for this year. Though it may seem very out of context, I know God showed me that verse to reassure and encourage me that I would be in the classroom again... that is how good He is!

I must confess to Him that though I tried VERY hard to wait patiently and TRUST, some days I found it impossible. It was on those days that I would fall apart until I would remember the faithfulness of my God. He has, up to this point, never left me to destruction, and I should always remember that when I start to wander down the path of doubt. I cannot express to Him how very much I love Him and how very much I believe He has nothing but good for me.

Today God showed me that, once again, He is worthy of my COMPLETE TRUST! At 3:07 this afternoon I got a phone call from Lake Los Angeles School. They called to offer me a third grade teaching position for the fall! I, of course, accepted very politely, and then proceeded to hang up the phone and run around my living room jumping up and down for joy. It was a sight to behold (but I was home alone so there really is no evidence). :) So, I am now, unofficially, (only because I have not yet signed my contract... I do that next week) the new third grade teacher at Lake Los Angeles School!!!!!!!! I cannot even express how thankful I am! God is my refuge. IN HIM I WILL TRUST!!!!!

What's in Your Hands?

2008-05-25T16:34:00.000-07:00

I have been wrestling over where I should go to church for many months now...Don't really seem to fit in anywhere. I really don't feel like I can return to my old church, though some days I want that more than anything. I have been attending a different church and have been blessed by it. I have sincerely sought the Lord, asking Him to really tell me where it is that I am supposed to be. I think He has shown me; yet another adventure begins...

My heart truly yearns to serve the Lord again in the ways that I can. It has been so very long since I was involved in a church and have really felt like it was my home. I do long for that: to be a blessing in the ways that I can. Just when I begin to think those thoughts, the others come rushing in. Thoughts like: "I have nothing to give" or "There are a ton of other people who are doing the things I want to do. I am not needed." I do know that those are lies that try to discourage me from serving the Lord. I will not give in!

Because I know that God desires me to serve Him, I have stepped out in faith today, praying that the Lord would lead me and show me what He desires for me to do. I sent an email to the leadership at Journey Church and told them my desire to serve there and to be in ministry again. Oh boy, I am really excited about what that could mean! I have no idea what God will do, but I am fairly certain that I am supposed to be there... unless God leads me somewhere else. He could still do that, I know! :)

Today's message at church was about serving God and not being afraid of Him using you. When God called Moses to do big things for Him, all he had in his hands was a stick... a stick! Moses was supposed to serve God and go and rescue His people from Pharaoh with a stick. That is all he had in his hands. God used Him and did amazing things and changed the world by using Moses and the stick he held in his hands. Incredible!

What is it that God has given me? What do I hold in my hands? God will ask me to use what He has placed in my hands to serve Him and to change the world for Him. Am I willing to let Him use all I possess (and it is not much) to change the world? Yes, I am!

Rise up to the Challenge!

2008-05-23T20:47:00.000-07:00

At a retirement party today, one of the teachers gave a speech. In her speech she said that over a lifetime you should always be willing to try new things; things that challenge and stretch you. You grow, she said, much more when you choose to pursue things that you never thought you could, or wanted, to do. How true that is!

I NEVER, in my wildest dreams, thought I would be teaching sixth grade. But now, I am not only teaching sixth grade, but I truly enjoy it. Don't get me wrong, the subject matter is a bit challenging at times, but I still love it just the same. Today I realized that I am going to miss my class SO VERY much. I don't want to send them on to seventh grade. Can I just keep them forever????

It has occured to me that if I had never taken on the challenge to do something that stretched (and yes, I admit, SCARED the poo out of) me, I never would have had the unspeakable joy of meeting such amazing 11 and 12 year olds. God truly blessed me with the best class there could ever be. I am thankful I have had this chance; I just wish it could have lasted a little bit longer.

Now, as the season changes I must face whatever challenge comes my way. I must be willing to be challenged and stretched; so much good can come if I am. What will the next challenge be? Kindergartners? They scare me as much as sixth graders! :)

The Little Things in Life

2008-05-18T20:31:00.000-07:00

I have discovered, though it is pretty obvious, that some of the little things in life are the most awesome blessings. This past week was a very hard week for me; the lay-off is official and even though I expected it, it still made me sad, very sad. I cried. A lot. I questioned God too, I just do not understand. But I do know He is going to do something awesome for me... I just have to wait and trust.

God brought my little sister to stay with me for the summer. She arrived yesterday and I am so blessed to have her here. Tonight she is sitting here with her friend Struvey looking at the computer and laughing hysterically. That makes me smile. God knows I needed some company. This living alone thing is not my favorite.

So, when you think of me this week, pray for me. I am applying at school districts around the area to try to find a job. God is faithful that I know!

I got to go to camp with some of my sixth graders this week too. That was a blessing. I got to spend three days in sunny Malibu, CA. It was quite nice. More to come on that later...

Let's Write a Credo

2008-04-30T19:08:00.000-07:00

I gave my students an assignment a few weeks ago: writing a credo. I told them I wanted them to really think about this assignment and to put a little more thought into this than they normally would. Along with them, I thought it would be a good assignment for me to do as well. Since a credo is only a simple statement of what one believes, I thought it would do me good to contemplate this a little. So this is the result: ( I will continually add to it as I think of more...)

My Credo

Choose joy

Laugh often

Burp. Loud. It surprises people

Love the Lord with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength

Loose sleep to see a sunrise

Pray

Forgive

Be spontaneous

Drink Chai tea because apparently three days
without food is better than one day without tea.

Write often...it is the breathings of the heart

Fall face down before God from time to time.
Reach out and touch Him and allow Him to make you holy.

Go the extra mile

In the Course of a Lifetime

2008-04-24T14:01:00.000-07:00

In the course of a lifetime, what does it matter? This is a quote from a book that I am reading with my students. It is a wonderful book. Even as an adult, I think everyone should read it. Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech…get it, read it, think hard on some of the morals in the story… amazing!

I asked my students to choose one thing in their life that REALLY mattered to them. With that one thing they were to write an essay about how that one thing would matter over the course of a lifetime. Some of the essays were quite interesting and some heartfelt. So, I decided to do the same. Choose one thing that matters to me and examine it in respect to the course of a lifetime…..

Some of the things that are important to me are: first and foremost, my Jesus, my family, my friends, my cell phone (seems like I cannot live without it), my career, being married and having a family someday, writing a book, my Tigger (Hey, he is awesome ok?), and of course tea (did you know that 3 days without food is better than one day without tea?) All of these things seem to be crucial in the everyday doings of my life, but in reality, are they really?

In the course of a lifetime, I don’t think some of these things really matter. Some of them, however, do. Take, for instance, my career. It has been my passion, my purpose in life. I have never thought of doing anything else. If I stop and consider how this matters in the course of a lifetime, I believe that it matters significantly. When I take into consideration how many children will have gone through my classroom in a lifetime, it is such an awesome thing… I have the opportunity to help mold and shape the lives of the many children I have the pleasure of teaching. I think my job is very important and has the potential to change the lives and affect eternity. I pray that I can do them justice and can make a difference in the lives of at least some of them.

As I think about Jesus and how much my life has been changed by Him, I put things into perspective. I have not been the best at living for eternity and making the things I do, matter. In the course of my lifetime I want it to be said of me that I did everything I could to make a difference for eternity. It is a privilege to be able to share what I know with those I care about. It could make all the difference.

I now take a step back to stop and think about the things I spend my time on. What am I pouring my energy into? I realize all I do should be thought about in respect to eternity. In the course of a lifetime will what I do today matter in the long run? I hope that all I do matters….

I am a Snapdragon!

2008-04-19T20:59:00.001-07:00

So I took this quiz and this is the type of flower I am:

"Mischief is your middle name, but your first is friend. You are quite the prankster that loves to make other people laugh."

I am a
Snapdragon

What Flower
Are You?

New Starts and JOYFUL Hearts

2008-04-15T21:43:00.000-07:00

New starts. They used to be things I found exciting and looked forward to. As time passes, however, I seem to enjoy them less and less. I am not saying that they are not good, I just have not learned what it is to welcome change...

Over the past many months I feel like God has stripped me of everything that I have held so very dear to my heart. I have had to start completely over from the beginning and have felt so very barren of heart. As I write, I feel like I am standing on a cliff witnessing night fall yet again. Just as I begin to allow those thoughts to destroy me, God reminds me that I will surely see His glory in the morning (Exodus 16:6-7).

This is especially meaningful to me in this very moment of my life as tomorrow morning marks the first day of three that I have to be in court. My school district has given me (and 59 other teachers) lay-off notices. Tomorrow we begin the fight for our jobs. Over the next three days we sit by and watch as our attorney battles to save our jobs. The outlook is bleak, but we move forward anyway.

This week God has ministered to my heart so very much in this place that I am in. He has given me assurance that He is my provision. He has also given my great confidence in knowing that He is on my side. "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" (Exodus 14:14), He told me this week. What a relief it is. My God is fighting for me! He has also shown me the purpose of being still: to be able to allow Him to move on my behalf. Glorious indeed!

Tomorrow holds numerous uncertainties. But in the way that God does, He has assured me that He is Jehovah- Jireh, God my Provider. He will supply me with the grace I need for the day. No matter how big the need, His grace will be in direct proportion to it!

One thing I have learned and continue to be sweetly reminded of is this: I would have lost heart if I did not see the goodness of the Lord... I am able to move on and step forward because I know His goodness is there. I know I am not walking this alone. God is my strength and He is training me to be totally dependent on Him in EVERY area of my life. This is a hard lesson and you would think I would have learned it by now. But thanks be to Him because He continues to be patient in training me. :)

Today may have been a new start with a barren heart, but as I see the glory of the Lord in the morning, just as He promised I would, it will turn out to be a new start with a JOYFUL heart! :)

Whatever You're Doing

2008-04-15T21:40:00.000-07:00

Somehow this puts into words everything that I cannot...

It’s time for healing, time to move on,
it’s time to fix what’s been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong;
it’s time to find my way to where I belong
There’s a wave that’s crashing over me,
and all I can do is surrender.
Whatever You’re doing inside of me,
It feels like chaos, but somehow there’s peace
And it’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see,
but I’m giving in to something heavenly
Time for a milestone, time to begin again,
re-evaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will,
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything – I surrender
Time to face up, clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
that I’ve wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears
Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but I believe …
You’re up to something bigger than me
Larger than life, something heavenly
Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life,
something heavenly, something heavenly
Time to face up, clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out...

Mere Christianity

2008-04-06T18:34:00.001-07:00

Mere Christianity...seems like such a paradox, but in reality it IS that simple. I finished reading the book yesterday, it was quite good. There were some things that made me think and made me take a step back and examine my heart; I think that is why I liked the book so much.

This book made me think about things that I don't often think about. Take evolution, for example: I have never thought about the fact that if evolution were true, which it is not, then we as the human race would be continuing to evolve into the "next best thing". If evolution is true then it would not stop at a mere human; it would continue morphing the human race into unthinkable things. Hmmm....interesting... it is no wonder we have not seen laughing dogs and talking cats.

Yet another aspect of this book got me thinking. 'God', as C.S. Lewis says, 'is in the process of forcing us on and up, to a higher level: putting us into situations where we will have to be very much braver, or more patient, or more loving, than we ever dreamed of being before.' This is quite interesting to me. Though I find it quite true, I don't necessarily like it. But the trouble is, if I don't go through the things He has for me, I will never get to the place where He wants me. I have discovered that He often requires us to leave our comfort zones to answer our callings. This makes me wonder what He is doing with me now...

As I face the possibility of being unemployed and still do not know where I am supposed to call my home church, I wonder what He is up to. I sometimes think I cannot handle any more change... but just then God does a change-up. He is definitely teaching me that thing called trust. God rarely polishes us and perfects us in the parameters of the familiar...I must always keep that in mind.

God desires a people set apart for His name, ones that are devoted to Him. I am intrigued by that and desire to search out His heart. I can really only do that when I am allowing Him to move and remove me from the things He sees as a hindrance to my growth. Though I do not fully understand, and often times I only go kicking and screaming, I know that He knows best. It may sound like a cliche, but it really is true.

The beauty of the reality of it all: it really is simply Mere Christianity.

All CLEAR!

2008-03-27T17:51:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I finally applied for my CLEAR credential. I have had my preliminary credential for four years now, and thought it time (before the five year limit) to get my credential cleared. So, the deed has been done and I am completely, officially, done with all the hoops teachers have to jump through to do what they do; that is until "they" decide that there are some other things they think teachers should do to be able to teach better....

So, with all of that excitement, I thought it quite grand that I was officially done, and then the great news.... a pink slip! GO FIGURE! Just in time for me to be completely official, the government decides that they do not have enough money, so they have to cut the education budget and lay off teachers. Lame! Now, after all of that hard work, I don't even know if I will be teaching next year. Who knew..... God did! :)

As hard as I thought this might be, I feel really peaceful in knowing that God is bigger than any budget crisis and teacher lay-off situation. Some days, I must admit, are easier than others, but I cannot worry about the things I am uncertain of. I trust that if this is not where I am supposed to be, He will move me on. I really do hope that I can continue to teach; I really do LOVE my job. But I trust and wait expecting God to do amazing things like He always does! :)

Where's Waldo?????

2008-02-24T16:29:00.000-08:00

As a kid I loved trying to find Waldo in the midst of the colorful backgrounds in the hard bound book. It was always such a great challenge for me. I often got distracted by the many "Waldo look-alikes" that were successful in diverting my gaze. Seemed like innocent ploys, but they were successful in their rite.

As I walk this Christian walk, I am increasingly aware of all of the Waldo-like distractions that try to capture my gaze, and turn it away from my Jesus. Sometimes these schemes are successful, but only when I am not focused on the face of my Lord. Other times they are not successful because I am walking so closely with Him and will not break the gaze for anything; those are the times I long for.

I know that there are many "Waldo-looking" things I cannot see that obstruct my view of Him. Even though that is the reality, the even bigger truth is that He is still there; though I cannot see Him, He is there. No matter what comes between my view of His face, I am always assured that He is always where He has been. Though I get distracted and lose my way now and then, it is reassuring to know that I can always come home. The Waldo look-alikes will always be there, but so will my God!

The Law of Human Nature

2008-02-22T15:54:00.000-08:00

It can be said that not everyone agrees on the same values of human nature and so therein lies the quandary...my sense of right and wrong may differ from yours and so what I find wrong to do, you may not find wrong at all. I disagree.

I am certain that humanity in general has a similar sense of right and wrong. All of our decisions are based on this sense of a moral right. We may not always choose the right way of doing things, but we are always able to. We would not know of a moral wrong if we did not have a moral right to base it all on.

Deep inside we have all been given the gift of morality. Whether we choose to listen to it or not is our choice. There is no difference in morals within the human race, as much as we try to blame our wrong doings on that. If we are honest with ourselves we would admit that we do wrong because we choose to. Not because we don't know the difference.

The Amazing Grace

2008-02-19T19:41:00.000-08:00

Forgiveness... Seems like a little thing, but in reality it has all the power in the world. There is nothing so powerful as that of forgiveness.

I watched a movie tonight called "The Amazing Grace". It is the story of John Newton and how he came to see the incredible hurt and pain he caused as he captured and enslaved other human beings. In one particular scene, one of the African men has John Newton tied up ready to kill him for all the hurt and pain he had caused. One of the women stands up to defend him and says, "The thing that makes him human is not his power to hate, but his power to love." At that moment the man poised to kill Newton stands down and releases him. By doing so he extended such incredible forgiveness and love to a man who had caused nothing but pain and suffering to those he recruited as slaves. John Newton did not at all deserve the love and forgiveness that was shown to him. He did not deserve the grace lavished upon him, but he was given it anyway.

Isn't this how our God is towards us? He continually pours out his love and forgiveness to me , despite the things that I have done. Though I don't deserve to be showered with the grace He extends to me, He does it anway. Such amazing grace!

As I am forgiven, shouldn't I forgive? That is the way of my Jesus. I so much want to be like Him, but I have so many things keeping me from Him, mainly myself. I do know that I have the ability to destroy someone or free them by the decisions I make. Forgiveness is the much better way. I know that I need His grace poured out upon me to do it because by nature I am not forgiving. I do desire to be set free and to set others free by loving them enough to forgive. To show God's Amazig Grace to those around me; what better gift could I give them? After all, my precious Lord has done the same for me!

McTeacher's Night

2008-02-07T16:19:00.001-08:00

All I can say about this is that I am so VERY glad that I went to college and do not have to work at McDonald's!!!!!

Last Tuesday night our school held McTeacher night at McDonald's on Avenue K. I was the lucky teacher who got to work filling the orders.... no big deal I thought. "How hard can it be?" Famous last words!!!

How was I to know that the ENTIRE city of Lancaster would show up to support our fundraiser? FYI, next time, I will be the wiser!! The place was packed, standing room (but barely) only. I never even got a chance to see any of my friends that came to support my school, because I was so busy that I did not have time to notice!!!! I remember at one point during the night looking at the pending orders on the monitor.... yeah, there were about 53. I was doing a great job.... (Not really)

I do not think I have worked harder and been in more pain ever in my life. By the end of the night my feet and back were so incredibly sore. I had been on my feet WAY too long. The funny thing is, I was looking much better than Mr. Conte, our principal. He looked as if he had just been up for 72 hours and run around the entire state of California twice. Poor guy...:)

All in all I did have fun. I just learned that I never want to work at McDonald's. I have a new found respect for the people that do. Go to college I say!!!!! Save yourself!!!!!

I Think I am in Love!

2008-01-26T15:41:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I discovered this amazing music... I just had to share with you. As you read this you are listening to my favorite song of Colbie Caillat. I was in the Greenhouse Cafe yesterday and this song came on the radio. Her voice seriously captured my attention. Because of my fascination I inquired of the waitress to see if she could enlighten me as to who was singing so beautifully. The funny thing about it is she told me who was singing but looked at me as if I should have known. Apparently everyone has heard of her... where have I been?????

Upon returning home I immediately went on the Internet to find a CD of this great voice. I found it and listened to a clip of her songs for ever. Then today with the birthday $20 that I got from my grandma I went out and bought the CD. Oh how excited I am! I have been listening to it all day! If you have not heard her (well you have now because I added a few of her songs to my blog so they automatically play when you visit!), you should! I think everyone needs to have a Colbie Caillat CD.

My Favorite Kiddos

2008-01-23T17:32:00.000-08:00

Bradyn was coloring and stopped momentarily to pose for a picture

Jackson and Dakota really do love each other...

So the funny thing about this is that I bathed all the kids and took them out one by one and dressed them. While I was not looking, a FULLY DRESSED and DRIED OFF Montana climbed back into the tub just to hang out. So I captured the moment...

How can you be angry at that face??? :)

I think she is the next Picasso

My Philospohy on Education

2008-01-22T17:39:00.000-08:00

“Teaching is about making a dent in the world so that the world is different than it was before you practiced your craft.” ~Stephen Brookfield

Teaching is my passion in life. I consider it to be the most extraordinary responsibility there is, short of parenthood. I take my job very seriously and take every opportunity to shepherd my students towards excellence. Teaching is a chance to inspire and empower students to help them realize their potential for greatness. As a teacher, it is my responsibility to develop the minds of my students and to provide them with a learning experience that transforms their ordinary ways of thinking; this then gives them a chance to go beyond what they ever thought they were capable of. Teaching really is a work of art.

The learning process is unique and individual. Within each group of students there is a diversity that allows them to be the individual learner they are. This presents the challenge of every teacher. As an educator, I address this challenge by taking the time to learn about my students. As I do, I am then able to discover the best ways to make the material relevant to their current situations, in turn, fostering their learning throughout the year. It is essential that students become engaged with the material presented and are able to perceive the subject matter to be relevant to their own lives. By accomplishing this, the students then begin to be transformed by the material they learn; change can then take place.

The methods of my teaching practices are numerous. I do not teach one specific way every time I step into my classroom. I am convinced that learning is a complex, yet individual process that must take place within each child. I foster student learning by the implementation of various methods including physical activities, hands-on assignments, written projects, and sometimes lectures. Each of these methods is used to develop the student’s abilities and allows them to learn in their own distinct way. In one particular lesson taught to a second grade class, I desired to teach them about various key figures throughout American history. Rather than explain to the students what role each individual played in history, I allowed them to “become” that person. Each child chose a key figure, researched, and then wrote a speech, pretending to be that figure. After much practice I rented costumes for each child to portray their chosen “American” and we put on a Wax Museum for the public to enjoy. This activity allowed for all students to become involved as it permitted each student to achieve at their own level, and in their own way. This is simply one example of the many ways that I have allowed for my students to take an active role in their learning.

In my teaching experience I have discovered what teaching is not. It is not me, the teacher, standing in front of my students and imparting information to them as if they desired to be given my knowledge. Teaching, however, is about cultivating curiosity within the mind of a student, encouraging them to grow, empowering them to reach higher than they thought possible, inspiring them to strive for excellence, challenging them to pursue their goals, and encouraging and uplifting their spirit to move forward in the face of difficulty. All of this is my job as a teacher and I strive to see these qualities displayed in each child that walks into my classroom.

Teaching is a position that should not be taken lightly. This title demands a high level of responsibility; responsibility that I take very seriously. I am in charge of fostering the minds of the future generation and challenging them to go beyond what seems possible. I work very hard to maintain the same level of excellence that I require of my students. I recognize the power that comes with the role that I play in the lives of the children I teach; that is why it is so important to always be mindful of my actions and my attitudes. I do not require anything of my students that I first do not require of myself, as the position of a teacher also includes the position of a role model. I strive to be the kind of teacher that is worth looking up to. I do all that I can to continue to grow in my abilities and to make sure that I use my talents to the best of my potential. I know that being a successful teacher is up to me, and I take that challenge to heart. The mark of a successful teacher is not how many students have passed through her classroom over the years, but how many lives have been changed in the process.

The Journey...

2008-01-20T13:15:00.001-08:00

Journey Church

I took a step today, one that I would not have normally done on my own, but I did it! I went to a new church, one that I have never been to, with no one that I know. It is called Journey Church. I was blessed. I really liked their worship, a lot! The teaching was AWESOME too. I am pretty sure that he wrote his sermon with me in mind....even though he does not know me (God works like that though). :) I think I will try going there again...maybe it is the place I am to be, maybe not. We will see.

I realized today, as I sat in church, that I am trying to do things too much on my own. I am not allowing other people to help. I don't think I am doing this on purpose, it is just how things have turned out. I have built up walls as a way to defend my heart...this is not such a good thing because then I shut everyone out...that really is not my intention. Guess I know where I need to change. God will help me to open up and to be willing to be vulnerable again. It is not such a comfortable place, but I think it is necessary for growth. That is what I want...I want to grow, so here continues my journey along this path called life.

Maybe there are some things that I can let go of in the name of grace, not giving up on the relationships that are dearest to me, but working together to fulfill the call of God; to work together to get His work done. This is what He created us for anyway. To do His work and to do it together. Not alone...

--Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor.

Ecclesiastes 4:9

The Common Perspective

2008-01-11T21:55:00.000-08:00

I really don't know why God does the things that He does, I just know that He does them for a reason. I cannot always say that I am willing to jump right into the next adventure that He has for me, because honestly, I am not. Ninety-nine percent of the time when God decides to change my life in a drastic way, or sometimes not even so drastic, I only come kicking and screaming and throwing myself on the floor. He has to pick me up, dust me off and pull me along behind Him as He leads the way.

What makes me think I know better than He does? What is it about me that feels the need to be in control? I wish I knew...Actually, I do know. I have always been in control of me....it has seemingly worked up until now, or so I thought. In all actuality, it has not worked. I have done things on my own for far too long never really understanding that my way is not "best". At its best, my way is not even good.

I have realized over the last few weeks that it is all about my perspective, the way that I view myself and the world as a whole. I have been caught up in thinking as the world thinks. I have not allowed God to renew my mind which then releases me of the common perspective of man. My thoughts have been my thoughts; they have not been God's. Therein lies the problem.

As I have studied Romans 12 this week it all makes perfect sense. My perspective is off. I view the things that happen to me and around me in relation to how they affect me. This is not the biblical way, not how God would have me to think. I must allow Him to renew my mind and to completely take over in that area. I know this is the area that pulls me down the most when I do not take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ and allow Him to do His thought changing process in me.

I welcome Him here and plead with Him to not give up on me. I know that He is ever patient and lovingly graceful. I know He has what it takes to see this work through to the end. I only worry that I don't have what it takes. Actually, I know I don't, but He can create it in me along the way. So here we go...yet another journey; one that will end gloriously as He continues His work in me.

A New Year, a New Start

2007-12-31T18:35:00.000-08:00

As we bring in 2008, a whole new life awaits me. I am excited about the changes ahead, though a bit apprehensive. God has done great things for me and has blessed me beyond words; knowing this I am able to move forward to whatever He has for me...He has done all of this for me... a new job and a new (might I say cute) place to live. This is nothing that I have done; He has done it all for me!

I moved all of my belongings (and boy are there a lot of them) to my new townhouse in Lancaster. It took two days and two trips, but it is finally all there. Now the setting up of the place...who knows how long that will take. But it is exciting just the same.

I also start teaching my sixth graders on Monday. I a excited but not at all ready. There are still lesson plans to be made, a few things to set up in my classroom, and oh wait, I still have to figure out how to do sixth grade math before I go in and pretend to teach them something I don't know. Should be fun times.

Tomorrow I take my brother to the airport so he can fly back to Colorado and then I begin my stay in my very own townhouse...yipee!

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

2007-12-20T19:51:00.000-08:00

Driving home today it was raining and there before my eyes...behold! A double rainbow of the prettiest magnitude. I took pictures while I was driving but then decided that was probably not the wisest choice, so I pulled over and took some more. Here are the pictures I took. They do not do the rainbow justice at all and you can hardly see the second rainbow, but you can if you look hard enough...but here they are anyway. :)

I am Reminded...

2007-12-19T20:25:00.000-08:00

A very big decision had to be made today. It was made, but not without a realization of utmost importance.

As I said in a previous blog, I have been trying to find a place to live, trying to decide between a few choices. It has been a very hard decision. It does seem like it would be a no brainer, but I have had a hard time making sure I am doing the right thing. Why has it been so hard? Honestly I don't know. I really think I over think....:)

Right now I am overwhelmed with putting together a classroom, getting ready for Christmas, preparing for my brother to come, and finding a place to live. The later seems to be the icing on the cake. I have so much to think about and making a huge decision such as this just put me over the edge.

So...while I was working in my classroom, knowing the decision had to be made today (the lady from the townhouse complex called yesterday and said she needed a deposit by today if she was to hold the place for me), I began to allow doubt and confusion to creep in.

I took some time and went out to my car to sit and pray. I really needed to hear from the Lord. I knew that I could not make this decision alone. Once again God showed me the importance of running to Him in my time of confusion, not to my friends.

After taking the time to sit and pray I had complete peace. I knew that God was giving me the trumpet sound that I have been praying for. I was reminded again of the importance of asking the Lord about each and every decision.

So, at 5:30 this evening I went and put a deposit on townhouse #36 in the Desert Colony Complex. I suppose that makes it official...and yes, I am actually excited. I am confident that this is the place for me!

Tis the Season

2007-12-16T20:16:00.001-08:00

The Christmas season is always one of my favorites. I love the cooking, wrapping, shopping for those I love...all of it. I love getting to see my brother when he comes home for Christmas. This year is no different. Well, maybe a little.

I have not been too much into the Christmas spirit this year. I have been trying, but, nothin'!. As time goes on I am getting a bit more excited about it, but something is just not happening this year. My brother will be here in a week and Christmas will be almost here. I NEED TO GET WITH THE PROGRAM.

Tomorrow I am going to finish my Christmas shopping and then come home and wrap all of it (not like it is that much...I am poor this year). Maybe that will help me to get into the spirit....one can hope.

This week will be extremely busy. I have to finish Christmas shopping, make cookies, mail packages, and one minor little thing.........set up my entire classroom. Any takers for some help???? I think I may be getting myself in a pickle. Don't know how all this is going to happen this week....it will be a miracle. I am tired already. Just thinking about it makes me want a nap....think I will.....

His Love Continues

2007-12-15T22:33:00.000-08:00

Went to my alma mater Calvary Chapel Bible College today. It was their fall graduation ceremony. I got to watch the last of the friends I have there graduate. It was a sweet ceremony....brought back memories of my graduation day. I do miss that place. Someday maybe I will get the chance to live there again. Maybe....

The Lord is good,I know. Sometimes I just don't understand why He takes away the things that are most precious to us. But then again, I do understand it. It is only when He has removed those things that are so dear to our hearts that He can fully reveal Himself and His plan to us. I get it, I just wish that it did not have to hurt so badly.

His love and grace are worth far more than anything that I hold dear, I am confident of that. I just have not learned to let go of the things that I have kept close to me for too long. He is teaching me though, and I am thankful.

Pajama Day

2007-12-14T19:15:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wished that you could go to work in your pajamas everyday? Believe me, I sure have. Pajamas, not my undies, are my favorite piece of clothing, contrary to popular belief (don't ask). I have often wished that I could waltz into work wearing my flannel jammie pants along with my cozy jammie shirt. Unfortunately, those days don't happen often enough.

Today, however, I got to wear my cutise jammies to work...good stuff!!!! Today at ACMS we had pajama day. I think I am going to talk my Principal into letting us do that everyday. :) Today was also build-your-own-gingerbread house-day. Whoever thought that giving kids that much sugar at once must have been out of their mind, or they were not a teacher. It all went well though. No one got hurt or passed out from sugar poisoning. They all got safely home without a hitch.

It is officially Christmas break as of 11:27 today. That also means that I am officially the teacher in room 208 at Amargosa Creek Middle School. I even got my very own set of keys to the room today....guess that means it's official. :)

The Little Bundles of Joy

2007-12-12T14:27:00.000-08:00

Sixth graders. A lot of people avoid them like the plague and I, I must admit, used to be one of them. But, God has kind of forced me into teaching at a middle school where I get to hang out with sixth graders all day. Who would have thought?

Today I got to meet, learn the names of, and talk to the kids that will be mine in a few weeks. They got to ask me questions and at first I thought this could be a dangerous thing, but they were really sweet...and one of them even has the same birthday as me!!! I thought that was awesome! They are UCLA fans, but I of course had to go with the rival USC...that was quite entertaining. I thought all 36 (yes I know...I have already thought about starting my own baseball team with them) of them were going to jump me. Mr. Palacios (the teacher they have until Friday) has them trained well...or should I say poorly, since he trained them to root for UCLA....:)

I am quite a bit less anxious and nervous now that I have met my kids and have seen what they are like. Tomorrow I get to spend the entire day in the room with them. I look forward to that as it will give me a chance to get to know them better and make connections with them. They seem to be a good bunch. I know that I will have to show them that I am in charge and that they cannot get away with what they think they can, but I have a good feeling about all of this. Sixth graders don't scare me!!!! :)

A Day of Firsts

2007-12-11T20:44:00.002-08:00

Today was a day of firsts....

Today was the first day of my middle school teaching career and I survived...amazing! I was not sure if I would come out alive or not, but I made it, and all in one piece. I came into the office where the Lisa, the secretary, had already made a mailbox with my name on it and baked me a little banana bread to welcome me...how sweet! She also set up an email account for me already, man she does not waste any time. She did make me feel very welcome, and for that I am thankful.

My brain was definitely on overload as I observed teacher after teacher. It was all good information for sure. I saw a lot of things that I want to implement in my classroom and I also saw a lot of things that I don't. It was certainly a learning experience. I met a lot of wonderful teachers who are most helpful. I know that I will not be without help if I need it, and that makes me happy.

I am excited about the possibilities that await me at Amargosa Creek Middle School. I never thought I would be teaching middle school, but I think this just might be the blessing I never expected!

--Fishy is excited to meet her new students tomorrow!

The Events of a Day

2007-12-10T19:26:00.000-08:00

What a big day! So much happened today....so many exciting things, a day of so many possibilities.

First, I took a step forward in the apartment hunting process. I went and dropped off my application to the townhouse I found. Now I wait for the Trumpet sound...I really do believe that this is where God wants me, so I took a step towards it. I have sincerely prayed for a few weeks now simply asking Him to lead me to the place He has for me, and I truly believe He has.

The next HUGE thing that happened today was my brother called. That, in and of itself, is a miracle. My brother does not call, and if he does, he doesn't talk...so this was a huge step. His call was to tell us that he is considering moving back to California. Let me go back a bit....About three weeks ago I called him and asked him to consider moving back to California and living with me so he can go back to school and finish his degree. I definitely thought the answer was no, but apparently after much thought on his part, and prayer on mine, he decided this might be a good idea. So, I talked to him on the phone this evening for just over an hour...wow! That is probably the most he has talked to me for our whole lives. Needless to say, I am THRILLED and so very excited about the possibility of him coming back...I will continue to pray for him....

Lastly, I went to the district office of the new school district I will be working for and got signed up for benefits! Yay! I finally have benefits (and good ones too) that I don't have to pay for...amazing!!!!!

I am definitely one very blessed girl. God has taken care of me once again....He is so faithful to me!

Tomorrow is another day of firsts. But I will leave that until then.....

True Faith and Trust

2007-12-09T15:50:00.001-08:00

Panera Bread for lunch today with a friend...It was sweet. While we dined next to the blazing fireplace inside the cozy restaurant, outside the wind blew and the cold grew deeper still. We saw some friends we knew, smiles on their faces as if not a care in the world. But I know the truth, the saddening truth.

The truth is their time together is being shortened by cancer. He is fighting for life to continue to be with his wife, all the while just truly wanting it to be over so he can be with Jesus. She, on the other hand, wants to keep him forever...understandable.

The thing that struck me deeply today as I spoke with them and watched them from a distance is the unhindered joy they possess. Though their world is falling apart, they are joyful and pleasant. They are continuing to be a blessing to those around them though the things they face are devastating.

I am so blessed to see such a beautiful example of what true faith and trust in God looks like. I have never seen anyone as peaceful in the midst of adversity as these two beautiful friends of mine.

Being Led by the Trumpet and not the Noise

2007-12-08T18:25:00.001-08:00

Too often I choose to make decisions based on the noise and I do not allow myself to be led by the sound of the Trumpet, the very presence of my God. I have been trying to decide where I should live when I move to Lancaster and just been praying about the places I have found. Again tonight I cried out to Him asking Him to really show me where it is that He wants me...I don't want to miss out on the things that He has for me, wherever that is.

Tonight I spent some time sitting before Him and listening to His heart for me. I am still not fully sure where He is leading me, but I know that I am heading in the right direction. I am doing the best I can to be led by the Trumpet and not by the noise that is around me.

In the Old testament the way the children of Israel knew when they were to move was by the presence of the Cloud, the very presence of God. When the Cloud appeared they knew that it was time to start preparing to move, but they did not move until the trumpet sounded. Once the trumpet sounded they knew then it was time to move forward.

I have seen The Cloud, as God, through my circumstances, has shown me that it is time to begin to prepare to move. I have been blessed by a job in Lancaster and have found a church there that I am attending regularly. This, I believe, is the Cloud, the presence of God telling me that it is time to prepare to move.

So now I continue to pray and wait for the Trumpet sound all the while ignoring the noise...

---"When YOU sound the advance, the camps that lie on the east side shall then begin their journey." Numbers 10:5

And the Fun Goes On and On

2007-12-07T23:20:00.000-08:00

Today I got to visit my friend Heather and her cutsie (FOUR) little kids. I seriously love spending time with them (and Heather too of course). We got to make "Christmas all around"...that is Dakota's way of saying let's decorate the house for Christmas. She is so stinkin' funny that I can't even handle it sometimes. Going to Heather's makes me want kids of my own, but then I am there for twenty minutes and I change my mind...no offense Heather, really. But seriously, she has the cutest kids on the face of the planet.

Then this evening I went to a Christmas party with my mom....people are crazy and sure do like to party. There were 30 raffle tickets and a 50/50 drawing so I thought I had a pretty good chance of at least winning something....well, no such luck. Everyone else at my table won something though....no hard feelings...:)

So that is about all I have tonight....pretty lame I know. Tomorrow will be a better day!

Torn Between the Two

2007-12-06T18:38:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I got the chance to visit the place I have called home for the past two years. It was hard for me, though I didn't think it would be. I thought I had moved on and was blooming where I was planted (California City), but I guess that is not the case. I suppose I sort of feel like I was deracinated from the place I loved so very much....but deep down I do know this is where God has sent me.

Don't get me wrong, I am VERY blessed to have been provided a job and a place to live, but I discovered that my heart is still in Murrieta; I am torn between the place I love so much and the place I am now. I just miss it there so much; my church, my apartment, my friends, everything... I know that God has a better plan than I could ever dream up, but sometimes it is hard. I do know that I can trust Him and that He has good plans for me here. I am doing my best (though I am not doing a very good job of it) to make the most of being back here...I know He is still good!

The beginning of Change

2007-12-04T10:15:00.000-08:00

This month marks a month of change for me, profuse change! On Monday I start a new job...I am now the new 6th grade teacher at Amargosa Creek Midlle School, yes, you heard me right, I said middle school. I know what you are thinkng because I thought it too, but 6th graders are not so bad! :) So on Monday morning I get to walk into this beautiful school and learn along with my new students! It shall be a wonderful challenge that I am welcoming. I am not saying that there won't be difficulties, but I am confident that this is the place for me. God has set this up, not me. Believe me, this would have been my last choice, but it is His first...so bring it on!

The other change for me is I am moving. I am looking for a place in Lancaster and I have it narrowed down to two places so far. I have no idea how it will all work out yet, but I know that God has the perfect blessing for me. So I wait and pray until I know what I am to do. I put my trust in Him to continue to take care of me and He has always done, without fail.

As things are changing all around me sometimes it is hard not to become overwhelmed. But I am sure that this is all for the good. I know that my God loves me and has wonderful plans for me. There is nothing else I am more sure of.

What's it Worth?

2007-12-02T23:14:00.000-08:00

All of my life I have given to those who have needed me. I have done my very best to be the kind of person that would give and give until I had nothing left to give. This simple act has left me full of joy at times and then completely hurt at others. Sometimes I wonder if the joy is worth the hurt. It may sound a bit hypocritical, but I am not at all trying to be. I am simply trying to help you understand that not everything is so black and white.

I am always willing to go the extra mile all the while knowing that in the end, hurt is inevitable. Herein lies the dilemma. Do you sacrifice the joy and laughter as not to experience the pain? I don't have the answer. I do know though, there are times I think the answer is yes, but then the very next moment I would disagree. I have been so very hurt by the people that I love the very most...but would I give that up so all the hurt would disappear? Sometimes I think I would...

If Even to One

2007-12-02T19:48:00.000-08:00

There are many things in life that are so often taken for granted; so much more that is important than we often realize. Today was one of those days where you realize that there is just more to life....

This evening while watching Extreme Makeover House Edition I was struck by the depth of depravity of mankind. If you did not watch this episode, I highly recommend it...it was an incredible story. As I watched I began to be changed. The things that I used to think were so important suddenly were of no consequence.

Each day we go about our routine making Starbucks runs that we think we cannot live without, shopping until there are no more hours in the day, watching television until we want to do nothing else; all of this happening simultaneously to the hurting that takes place all around the world.

There is so much more to life than what we have made it. Why can we not see that? Imagine your life without laughter, without hugs, without smiles, without friends. Imagine a day without knowing you matter to at least one person in the world, without feeling the blessing of being loved. Imagine a day without the ones that matter to you most while the rest of the world continues on as if nothing ever changed. These are the things that matter. Nothing else really does.

I know that there are far more needs in this world than any one person can fix, but isn't it worth a try? I was inspired all over again today to use my gift of teaching children to make a difference in this dark world. I don't know how yet, but in some special way I am going to make a difference, if even to only one...

It's a No Go!

2007-11-30T19:20:00.000-08:00

In response to the previous blog, I did meet with the owner of the townhouse and I got a chance to see the place. It was definitely not as nice on the inside as it was on the outside, bummer days. I just was not likin' it so much on the inside...didn't feel like home at all. And it was way too small for me to fit living room furniture and my baby grand piano. So, the quest continues....

But that same day I did find another townhouse down the street that is quite lovely...I am going to go there tomorrow and put in my application to rent it...hopefully. It is quaint and sweet...:) And it has a wine rack for all that wine I drink (not). I have already decided that I will fill that rack with sparkling blueberry juice instead.....:)

The Many Adventures in Apartment Hunting!

2007-11-28T20:45:00.000-08:00

You know when you have looked at too many apartments in one day when your eyes begin to cross and all you want to do is find a cardboard box, put it on the street corner and live in it the rest of your life.

This is pretty much what I felt like at the end of today. The past two days I have been looking for apartments and townhouses so that I can move into Lancaster where I have a newly acquired job....(that is a whole other blog and I will write about those happenings as well). It is hard work to find a nice place to live, who would have known????

Many miles and gallons of gas later, I think I may have found the most amazing townhouse there is....waiting just for me! There we were, on 30th St. West and Avenue K, the sun was setting, the light getting less and less apparent. In route to inquire about an apartment complex further down 30th St. West, we see the Marbella Villas. This is exciting indeed!

One problem....it is a gated community that requires a clicker to enter. Bummer! I decide to pull up to the keypad and put on my saddest puppy dog face to see if anyone coming out of those beautiful townhouses would be so kind as to let me in. As I waited there looking helpless indeed, a very nice woman in a Toyota Corolla was leaving the premises. She saw me there on the other side of the gate and felt pity on me i Suppose. With one touch of her finger (and her magic gate opener) she granted me access into the glorious Marbella Villas! VICTORY!!!

As I drove around I quickly discovered that these were not for rent, they were privately owned townhouses, sad day! In hopes that maybe someone was in need of a renter, namely me, I continued to drive around the property. On my last lap around, there it was! One solitary townhouse for rent....!!!!! The ending to this story comes tomorrow after I meet with the owner to look at the amazingness that could soon be mine!

Until then have a look for yourself...

Is God Enough?

2007-11-25T20:07:00.000-08:00

This past year has been a hard one for me. And although there have been moments of laughter and light relief, the past many months have been permeated by failure, depression, anger, frustration, bitterness, loneliness, resentment, regret, emptiness, despair and acute manifestations of my own human depravity.This disease of my soul has rendered me disabled; unable to pick up the phone when I should; to attend fellowship when I should; to praise God when I should; to read my bible when I should; to speak and act when I should; to be quiet and still when I should; to put my hand to the plough when I should; to rest and sleep when I should.

Oh yes, you might see me in the corners of my kitchen, busying myself with cooking, for a multitude of people, or I may have a smile, six miles wide, plastered across my face whenever we meet. And it's not fake: I love cooking and I smile when I see people I love. But the cracks in my life have now become furrowing trench holes. I have broken bones, seeping sores and am bleeding heavily. Every time I think I'm turning a corner, I crash head first onto the floor again. Sometimes I feel like a dead man walking, or that I might just die walking...Don't be fooled into thinking this is a 'woe is me' pity party. And please forgive me if that's the impression I create. It's just, I felt the need to be brutally honest, as I know that there are many suffering in silence; going through the motions, wearing the right face, but wounded and hurting on the inside.

And how I desperately hoped that I would have been brave enough to confess my emotional, spiritual and life hurts. Not necessarily because I had been 'delivered' or 'set free' or 'healed', but rather to proclaim that while still in the very midst of it, God is enough. God and God alone was the one Being stopping me from 'topping' myself, from giving up or going mentally insane.

In the midst of a harsh and barren land, when you're so empty you have nothing left to give, so weak, that it's a struggle to get out of bed in the morning and when the pain on the inside seems to choke you like a dead weight, still God is more than enough. Not because I've been faithfully sitting in my prayer closet 24/7, but because when I'm too numb, too weary and too confused to pray or do anything at all, still He is faithful; He carries me, even when I am dead weight. And when friends and family take offense, or confront me or grow cold towards me, for repeatedly failing to meet their expectations in this 'comatose' state...God HAS to be enough.

Indeed, the Lord IS enough, even though I struggle to believe I and rarely feel it. 'The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down.' (Psalm 145:14) And despite me, He blesses me still, with His comfort, His provision and the longsuferring grace of a few dearly treasured friends. So you see those Sunday Smiles are not always flaky veneers. Many a time they say one thing: being here right now is the only thing that hasn't been terrible in my terrible week, and it's only the Lord that got me here in the first place and I'm touched by the fact that you stopped to say hi, even though I can't relate or respond to you in an ideal manner right now. I beseech you therefore bretheren, to PRAY. Pray for those who are hurting, don't judge them or be critical of them. Just pray...allow them time to heal from whatever it is that they are hurting from. There are many smiling faces among us that are wounded and bleeding and hurting inside that just need our prayers.

This here lament is often my daily complaint. But as I consider my life, my year and the lives and struggles of those around me, I realize that pain may well be a constant companion in this christian walk...just so I don't become completely blinded by the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life. Just so I can come to the end of myself and truly realize that indeed, our Lord is enough. Every single time.

For the truth is, it is out of love, a love that we'll never fully comprehend, that He allows our pain. It is so we can know Him as our rock, that He allows our weakness. The Lord is enough...'to comfort all who mourn...to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.' Isaiah 61:3

On Being Thankful...

2007-11-21T23:28:00.000-08:00

Of course around this time of year, i.e. Thanksgiving, I start to think about all the things that I am so very blessed to have. I really should think about these things more often and be more thankful, but I, like so many others, have fallen into taking the blessings of life for granted. So, in an attempt to remember all of the blessings that I have, I thought I would take some time and put down on paper the things I am so very thankful for....

A chance to live, laugh, and love
A mom that would do anything for me
My brothers funny jokes
Friends that help me become a better person
Heather who just lets me talk and puts up with me and still loves me
A God who takes care of me no matter how far I have gone
A Savior who rescued me from myself
An opportunity to make a difference in the lives of children
Mary who helps me to remember to laugh a little
And most of all, I am so thankful for the AMAZING GRACE that God lavishes on me because He loves me....

The Blog! The Blog!

2007-11-19T22:02:00.000-08:00

I have been a slacker when it comes to writing on this blog. I don't know why....I love to do it but I guess I am just a lazy bum! So, from here on out, I am going to take a more active role in my own blogging experience. Good idea don't you think? Do you want to know my dilema? Well, you see, pretty much no one reads this blog so I don't feel obligated to write on it....so....if you would read it more and leave me some comments, I would be encouraged and would write more. Good! It's a deal.....let's do it!

The Amazon Wish List....:)

2007-11-19T20:18:00.000-08:00

This is probably pretty tacky, but people are always asking me what I want for Christmas...So there you have it....:) Now you no longer have to ask...you're welcome! :)

Can it Really Be????????

2007-10-09T15:19:00.000-07:00

The alarm went off...5:00 am! I had not seen this hour in many, many months, but here I was, awake. It was the day that I had studied so hard for....CSET Day....just the thought makes me ill! I had been studying for weeks for the test that was sure to be my death. I had been told by many who had gone before me into the rooms of the CSET test that there was no light at the end of the tunnel...it was a death-by-test-taking experience, all the way around. So, I didn't expect much as I prepared for the test. I studied and studied until the day finally came......

September 15, 2007....Highland High School, Bakersfield, CA. The day of reckoning was here...I got my breakfast, my water bottle, my lifesaver candies, and my number 2 pencils and marched off to what was sure to be the end of me....

8:00am...the test is passed out and I decide to start with the English/History/Social Science section. Question after question keeps on taunting me. I popped lifesavers into my mouth to keep the brain alive...it seemed to be working. I answered and answered and answered the never ending questions....will there ever be an end, and this is only the first section!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally I finish the first section...but wait! There are still two more to go...I am certain there is no surviving!!!

By this time it is 9:30am and I decide to move on to the second section...this is my worst enemy...Math/Science...I am convinced they both hate me, but still I persevere. By this time now I am sweating bullets and I am sure I am going to flood the room....I am amazed that the other students are not getting wet...hmmm. This section is killer for sure. I am arguing with it and trying to tell it who's boss....ultimately I prevail and the math and science section cowers under my knowledge!

11:30am now....one and a half hours to go before the end of the test and I still have section three to conquer. I am sure this section should be the easiest so I move forward with confidence...physical education/visual and performing arts/human development...I can do this, right???? I breeze through this section confident that I actually know what I am talking about, and finish with half an hour to spare. I am too tired to go back and review the test...at this point my brain cannot process one more thing and I have given up....I have finished and am ready to leave...someone please get me out of here!!!!!!!

Now with that behind me I wait....the score reports do not come back for a month....

fast forward............

October 9, 2007...The CSET monster haunts my mind...I know the scores will be out any day now. While minding my own business an email is received in my inbox....as I look to see what lovely friend emailed me now, I see it the subject line of the emails ( there are three...one for each section)..."YOUR OFFICIAL CSET SCORE". So this is what happened in my head..."I cannot open them....I have to call someone to come over and read them for me"...."No, I can do it...they are just scores, they won't bite." So, I gather up the courage and click on the first email that contains the results of the first section of the test.....SECTION STATUS.........PASS!!!! With great excitement I click onto the third email (why I didn't go to the second one, I don't know)....SECTION STATUS.....PASS!!!!!!!! I could hardly contain myself and knew for sure that I could not have passed the math/science section because they both hate me, remember??? So, still excited I click on the second email....SECTION STATUS.......PASS!!!!!!!!! Oh my goodness I can hardly believe it!!!!! The death-by-test-taking has been conquered!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is cause for serious celebration....NO REALLY....SERIOUS celebration! Any suggestions????:)

Who am I?

2007-07-28T09:30:00.000-07:00

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." Unknown

This is an amazing quote! I know when I think about doing great things and making a difference in the world it does scare me a little bit (okay, a lot). Who am I really that I should not use the gifts that God has given me to change a life and to allow others to be inspired to do the same? This is the reason I want to be a teacher so very much. I want to shine God's glory into the lives of children to inspire and encourage them to attempt great things; things they never thought were possible. This is the gift God has given to me; who am I to keep it to myself???

The Injustice of it All

2007-07-22T10:29:00.000-07:00

Stop and consider for a moment what it would have been like to be a Jew during the time of the Holocaust. Imagine having to go into hiding because your very safety was threatened. Imagine having all that was familiar to you stripped away solely because of your ethnicity. Imagine being separated from your family and having to live not knowing whether they were alive or dead. Imagine living in filth and surrounded by disease not knowing when you would get your next meal. Imagine...

The story of Anne Frank is told in such a powerful way in the film "Anne Frank". I watched it for the first time last night and was horrified at what I saw. How could any human being treat another with such disdain? This film, however, showed only a part of what it must have been like for those who were taken to concentration camps during the time of the Holocaust. I am sure that the real thing was even worse, though I cannot even begin to imagine. I really do not understand what would allow someone to think that they had the authority to cause so much harm and pain to other human beings; no one has such a right!

I understand as well that the story of Anne Frank is just one of thousands of stories just like it. It really makes me wonder if anything could have been done to prevent such a horrific thing. I don't know the answer to that, but I do know that Romans 8 says that "All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purposes". It may seem insensitive for me to make such a comment, but the reality of it is just the same. I know that greater things were accomplished through such an event than could have ever been accomplished apart from it. I do not claim to understand the hearts of those who have had to endure such a tragedy, nor do I pretend to know what it was like for those who never made it out of those prisons alive. I do however trust that through all of the evil, good has come...I place my trust in the Living God who works all according to His plan. What was meant for evil He can make good!

A Life of Hypocrisy

2007-07-14T22:47:00.000-07:00

I wonder how often it has been said that Christians are hypocrites. I know I have heard it more than once, but I really don't think it is necessarily true. A hypocrite is one who claims to posses things they do not themselves have. As Christians we are claiming to have the righteousness of Christ, but often we fail to posses that righteousness because we have chosen to walk in a direction other than we should. That does not make Christians hypocrites. It does, however, mean that we have blown it and have made the wrong choice. We are sinners just like the rest of the world. In the same manner, when we have failed at something we have attempted, that does not mean that we are hypocrites. It means we have failed...doesn't everyone fail at things once in a while?

I know for me I have often felt like I have lived a life that is very hypocritical...but the reality is, I am striving for the goal and pressing on toward the upward call of Christ Jesus. I live each day in an attempt to die to myself and to allow God to use me as He would desire. There will be times when I will fail and somewhere along the way I will make mistakes...that does not mean that I am a fraud; it means that I have missed the mark that I was striving for. But there is then hope for a new day and a new start; for God's mercies are new every morning!

The Road Not Taken

2007-07-10T14:08:00.001-07:00

I heard this poem once and I came across it again this week. It makes me wonder how the things I choose have affected my life and others lives as well. Here is the poem. You can decide for yourself what you want to do with it...

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

As I contemplate this poem, I am reminded of the section of Scripture from Joshua chapter 8:30-35. God offers us life and it is up to us what we will do with that offer. We have the option to "CHOOSE LIFE" as He so desperately wants us to do. But then we also have the opportunity to choose against Him and in turn choose death. I don't know much, but I do know that each of the choices we make produces consequences, some for the good and some for the bad. I have chosen life as I have chosen to follow Christ and that is definitely the "road less traveled by", but it has certainly made all the difference in my life!

Yes! I have one too!

2007-07-10T13:46:00.000-07:00

Well, since everyone is doing it, I thought that I too would create a place where I can communicate with the outside world. So, here it is...the blog spot of Fishy! I hope that all who venture this way are uplifted and encouraged....:) Here's to new and exciting things!